𝗠𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗡'𝗦 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗬! ━━━━ mao isara (on hold)

5. goodbye (subahokkemao)

ᡣ𐭩 . letter au | angst

It's odd what would happen if I always put a smile on my face. Always reacting in the way that most people around me would plead for. Seeing that glint of satisfaction in everyone's eyes when I'm dragged to my knees after a tiring day of nothing but work. Letting them think they have full control over my mind and ways. Seeing their mistakes being piled onto me as they pray for at least a little forgiveness with every breath they make.

But under the fake smiles and obliges was a mistake. A figure who has lived through all of the sins.

I'm forever drowning in the ocean, begging for a fight against the current, but nothing could stop the salt water.

I'm a shell that is so broken and useless for a snail to never use again.

I always use my lungs for you. Breathing every vowel of encouragement. The words I say to you are the truth, but I'm a cruel sin bowing to the king of deception when it comes to myself.

There are so many promises broken between us. All because of me. I let them fall like the shattered mirror pieces they were between my fingers.

I can't do it... not any longer.

Not after recognising all my mistakes. All the lies I let shine like the fake star I am. The flashlight who dreamed but could never achieve.

I loved being together with you two.

Hokuto, Subaru.

You guys were like the blanket I needed during the winter.

Our relationship together in the romantic sense was like being some spies going out for a high-top agency now going on an undercover mission.

Being together in that sense was great. But realising my mistakes had opened my eyes. I should have never agreed on saying 'yes' to you both.

There's been so many ways I have let you both down, and I'm sorry.

I'm... sorry.

When it came to arguing with you guys about some subjects, I tended to speak out loud for how wrong either of you were.

Instead, I'm the one in the wrong.

The lies of the demon in my head, always fighting the urge of the broken souls all around me.

The path that I took of pain. Holding my fists tight as I crawl through these very thorns of the broken system that is my own soul.

You're both the world combined that took the sunlight away for all its glory. To achieve the end of this route.

I have tried telling you guys the truth of my ways, but my words always seemed to turn you both away, leaving me on this stage of darkness that no person would dare to sit down and watch for.

A theatrical mask has begun to slip off my face.

The truth always lies in the shadows, falling to a freeze of something new. To follow down into the vortex.

I'm trying to think of all the things you did for me, wanting to reverse the replay.

I can't stop thinking about it. Letting the shadow overtake the mind, keeping it in its hold...

I have gone above my head. I've let myself raise from the dust I was once, but now it's time to let destiny cut the strings of this puppet.

There is nothing holding me back. This redemption was helpless.

I'm just taking in all the desperation and having it burn my world.

Let's have the world cease my existence. Let's watch this very river turn red.

The misguided taste is slowing my heart.

I love where I'm going now. You can dive back into the normalcy you guys wished for. I know you couldn't breathe through the air because of me. I was stopping everyone because of the way I am. I'm not like you guys. You guys are highlighting the streets, but I'm fading.

The shadows took me in as another victim, trapped in this broken cell as I have this pen run dry from its ink against the paper that I write to you.

Where do you think the faded ones go? What is at the end for all of those who were broken flashlights?

I guess I'm going to test the waters and see.

Hokuto, Subaru.

Even Makoto and everyone else all around...

This is a promise I know I can keep. I'll fall into the river just so you can walk across the broken bridge.

I'm ready to fall now.

Let's not forget, though...

...Goodbyes are nothing but lies.

This is only a passing through a scene. The next cut of action will focus on only you.

I'm the oceans tide that is pulling back for you, the sand, to be seen.

- Mao Isara