Not So Normal {A Captain America Fanfic}

Chapter 18

Fear is something that easily consumes us. It serves as an emotion to get our heartbeat racing and reaches into the back of our mind and scream at us that we are not safe. And of course, us humans must always be safe. We must always make sure everything is in control. Phobias are created to make us feel safe. They are there put thoughts into our head that everything is okay.

That everything is normal.

Sometimes those reassuring thoughts don't work. And so what comes from fear is another emotion, panic and finally leading up to paranoia. We find ourselves becoming twitchy, making sure what is around the corner won't come out to bite us. Unfortunately, there was no phobia that related to me.

So here I was, feeling emotions that made me go into a crazed spiral. I sat on the park bench, cowering as people walked by. Afraid if they saw through me, scared they were going to see a maniac. Terrified I was someone else. Something else.

My knees were tucked to my chest as I quivered. I didn't even remember what happened, it all happened so slow. I accidentally put things in slow motion in the lab. I somehow ended up in Central Park. Not the best place when you were afraid. When you were insecure. Children's laughter surrounded me as they held their parent hand.

My parents did that once.

I guess it's time I tell my tale of my parents. Before I was born, my mother was a young and a beautiful agent. She was high ranked and respected by everyone who knew her. But she, just like her stubborn daughter is, wanted to have a cookie cutter life. Unbothered by the horrible things in this amazing yet awful world.

So she let herself trip over a amazing and yet awful thing called love. Her love was my father, a man of much dignity and a soft heart. He had also worked for S.H.I.E.L.D but was not a field agents. He worked on the computers because of his knowledge. My mother said she fell in love with that part of him, his wisdom when he was still so young. Their relationship advanced rapidly and soon my father found himself on one knee. They were married, a young couple with what seemed like plenty of life ahead of them.

Then I was born and my mother realized she had achieved the cookie cutter life. As I grew up, I saw how my mother and father kissed and only dreamed of finding my soulmate. But dreams change quickly.

My mother had began to think the average American life wasn't so wonderful as she thought it would be and started to get bored. She decided to go back to work. I remember walking downstairs one night to my mother and father fighting. He thought that if she didn't come back then he wouldn't be able to do it. Raise me and live without my mother. But she was persistent.

Eventually, she was back where she worked and as soon as I could spell my name I was put into training.

But as time passed, their love for each other slowly dissolved. My dad was fed up with my mother being stubborn and always leaving. He hated the fact I would be put into danger because my mother was bored. My mother thought of it as helping people. She had felt good about herself for a very long time. But my father did not listen and gave her an ultimatum, either him or her job.

You can guess which one she choose.

They both earned custody in the papers but I wanted out. I had still been trained and I started to go on missions, climbing the latter. My last name I am ashamed to say gave me a boost here and then. For my fathers side, he quit his life at S.H.I.E.L.D. And traded it in as an accountant. His was dull, every second of every moments was the same as the last. So as the child I was, I mostly leaned toward my moms side, finding my self going on missions as often as a child would go to the candy store.