Chapter 2

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{rewritten/edited}

i can remember a time when i was so afraid

when even my shadow wouldn't follow me

___


It was noon the next day when I decided to finally get dressed and make my way down stairs. It was cold today, so I dressed warmly in a pair of leggings, a long sleeve black crop top, and my favorite red and black plaid jacket. I brushed my hair and put it in a singular french braid. I coated my eyelashes with mascara, the only makeup product I saved from the fire. I made a mental note to add makeup to the list of things I will need to buy. When I was satisfied with my look, I went downstairs in search of something to eat or something to do.

When I walked into the kitchen, my grandma had a smile on her face. "It's about time you decided to come downstairs."

"Grandma yesterday was very tiring for me. I needed that sleep."

She laughed lightly, "Your grandpa and I get up at six every morning to go on a run, maybe you should come with us sometime. I know you had a rough day yesterday, I was only messing with you. You're an adult and you can decide when you actually want to wake up."

I made a face when she said her and grandpa went on a run every morning. I can barely wake myself up before nine most mornings, perks of having online classes and now the perk of taking a semester off. " I don't know how you guys do it, but I can barely wake up before nine most mornings. I most likely won't be joining you on your runs unless you guys ever run in the evenings."

"We can go running sometimes in the evening. I think that could be a great idea for the three of us."

The door to the backyard, which was in the kitchen, opened suddenly. My grandpa walked in and was sweating. "Hey, kiddo, you're awake."

I laughed, "Yes, I am and you're very sweaty."

My grandpa looked down at himself. "That I am. Your dad was helping me chop some wood out back for the fireplace."

I grabbed a banana from the basket on the countertop. "Isn't it still a bit on the warmer side outside for us to light a fire?"

My grandpa's face smiled. "Yes but it's better to chop wood before it gets below freezing and you can't feel your fingers after five mins.""

"You're probably right, grandpa."

I threw my banana peel into the trash can and walked over to where my purse was sitting. "If you don't mind me asking, I was hoping to borrow your car. I wanted to head into town to buy some clothes and stuff that I needed that was ruined in the fire."

My grandma handed me her car keys from the hook hanging next to the back door. "You don't even have to ask. You can use my car anytime you want, your grandfather's as well. Your father went into town to get some things and your mother went to the grocery store so she has your grandpa's car. We're not going anywhere so take as much time as you need."

I took the keys from her and thanked her. I gave them both a hug and a kiss on the cheek and went into the small town.

***

When I got back from town, no one was home. There was a note on the kitchen counter telling me that my grandparents went to a town hall meeting and my parents went out to dinner with each other. I hung up my grandma's car keys on the hook and then put all of my bags in my room. My bank account is going to be hurting after this until I find a job, which I hope is soon because I need money, especially if I'm hoping to go back to school next semester. I decided to take a semester off after everything was just getting to be too much for me again. Getting out of bed, getting dressed, going to class, talking to anyone was beginning to get hard again. My therapist recommended that I take a semester off to just focus on myself and so far, this semester off has been the best decision of my life. I have more free time and I feel like I'm drawing more than I was before, which has always been therapeutic to me. I feel like I'm becoming comfortable again in my body and mind.

The night was still young and the sun didn't look like it would set for a few hours so I decided to take all three dogs for a walk, which I will probably end up regretting. I know Lucy and Lucky need this and who knows when Rusty last went on a walk. Back home before the fire, I walked Lucky and Lucy every single night, until it got hard again. Getting back into my regular routines has been helping with my healing.

I grabbed the three leashes that were hanging next to the keys and called the dogs out to the kitchen. Once all of their leashes and harnesses were attached, I went out the back door and into the woods. Even though my grandma asked me to stay out of the woods, she wasn't home and whatever she didn't know wouldn't hurt. Plus, it was daylight, what was the worst that could happen?

"Come on, Rusty, stop walking so slow."

It felt like we were walking for hours when it had only been twenty seven minutes. Since Rusty is the oldest of the three dogs, he walks a bit slower and it makes it feel like time is going by just as slow.

The woods were beautiful and I'm happy I decided to take the dogs through here. I took many pictures on my phone of the trees, flowers, and the dogs. I stopped for a little bit to let the dogs drink from the small pond water. I got down on my knees and snapped a picture of Lucy drinking from the water. The background of the picture was beautiful and I couldn't wait to post it on my photography/drawing blog when I got back to the house.

When the dogs were finished drinking, I turned around and began leading them back to the house. I stopped when I heard a twig snap behind me. Each of the dog's heads went up and their ears went back. I looked around but didn't see or hear anything else. The dogs were all staring to the left of me, their ears back and teeth showing.

I grabbed their leashes and began tugging them forward back to the house. An eerie feeling settled in my stomach and I was suddenly scared. Once I began tugging on the leashes, the dogs quickly followed me and after what felt like hours of walking back, I saw the light at the end of the path that was from my grandparent's house.

As we were getting closer to the house, I stopped. Something didn't feel right. My body was getting tingly and something in the air smelled really good like cinnamon and wood. Everything in my head was telling me to keep going, that the house was only a few feet away, but my body wouldn't move.

I felt like someone was watching me and that scared the shit out of me. I forced my body to move and once I did, a jet-black wolf jumped out of the bushes and sat right in front of me. Fear took over my body and I didn't know what to do. Something inside of me was telling me to go towards it. So, call me crazy, but I did.

The dogs stayed close to me, curious about the wolf in front of me. I slowly walked towards the wolf with bright gold eyes. Something in me told me that it wouldn't hurt me. I stretched my hand out and its snout came up to my hand and touched it. Once its nose touched me, the wolf jerked back and ran back into the bushes.

I stood there, with my hand still outstretched, dumbfounded that I just got close to the one thing my grandma told me to stay away from.

I tugged the dogs forward and finally made It back to the house, the image of the wolf still flooding my head.

______


Song: I Dare You by Bea Miller 

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