A Rose By Any Other Name (A Sasuke Uchiha Story)

Chapter 18.

Who did she think she was?

Sasuke would admit, she was training him, and she’d taught him a lot. She’d helped him out so much now that he’d come here. But still. He’d asked for her name. Her name, and nothing more. Was it really so much to ask? But instead she just kept her back to him—didn’t even bother to look him in the eye—and said that he ‘didn’t need to know it’. What kind of excuse was that? How much effort did it take to say one little word? He’d agreed to let her be his teacher, he’d gone along with all she’d said and done. He thought…he’d thought they trusted each other—only to realise what he was thinking and quickly shake it off. It wasn’t about that, after all. But it was common courtesy to at least tell him her name. He wasn’t about to go around calling her ‘master’ or even ‘sensei’, but he needed something. All he could do was call out ‘hey’, if he wanted her attention, and somehow it didn’t seem right just calling her ‘girl’.

Then again, why was he so angry about it? So what, she wasn’t telling him her name—what did it matter? She was there to teach him, nothing more. Once he’d gotten what he wanted he’d turn and leave the place and go back to his original goals and plans, and she could go ahead and train other people. They most likely wouldn’t ever see each other again, so why would he need her name? To him, she was Tatsujin no Kakusareta—that was the name and title that mattered to Sasuke. So why, If he knew this, was he getting like he was? Why was he pacing back and forth across his room angrily? Why did he feel it was a necessity to find out her name?

Because it would mean he would get closer to finding out who she really was.

It would mean he’d know something more about her and allow him to get closer. Regardless of what he could tell himself, Sasuke knew that they’d formed a connection while working together, but he had nothing to back it up with. He had suspicions and inklings about her, but they would never be enough. For once in his life he was curious about another person and wanted to know more. They had so much in common and had so many similarities—he knew they did—but he couldn’t truly tell unless he saw it for himself. Her name was something that had been secret from the start, but it had never seemed that important. After all, it was where most people started out, so Sasuke had opted to do the same. But clearly it hadn’t worked the way he had wanted to. He was torn between desperation and wanting to know her name, of wanting to find out something about her, and anger at having been dismissed like that and, in a sense, at his anger itself. It suggested that he cared about this information—that he didn’t like being shut out of her life. But no matter how hard he tried to act like he didn’t, he still felt the same reaction within him as he tried several more times to get an answer out of her.

Each time she had to do the same thing with regret. She couldn’t say it. To Sasuke, she knew it was a simple matter, a mere word that would take a second to say. But it wasn’t like that. If she told him her name the connection they had would be able to form, and she couldn’t allow that to happen. She had promised herself she would never get close to any of the people who came to her for training—not after all that had happened before. Only this had to be even more evident with Sasuke; she didn’t normally have so much in common with those she met. It was because they had similarities that she wanted to tell him about herself, but it was also the reason that she had to keep things wrapped up even more than usual. As much as it frustrated and pained her to do so, every time Sasuke asked what her name was, she kept her mouth shut. It never angered her when he asked; her memories wiped out that emotion. Suddenly when she meditated her past would sometimes flash into her mind, and it began to fill her dreams.

But Sasuke was beginning to think he understood.

He had tried to ask different things; that if he wasn’t going to get her name, he could try to learn something about her. But nothing had worked. It was only as he lay there thinking about it all that things began to piece together. Though often his questions involved asking her about herself, sometimes he asked about things to do with the past—it was these questions that got the biggest reactions. She would go quiet; subdued, and look away, forgetting about what she had been doing before and absentmindedly trying to continue with a very tumultuous look in her eyes. The more Sasuke thought about it, the more he started to wonder whether it was the past—her past—that was causing this barrier and her reluctance to say anything about herself.

The similarities in their personality showed that they must have shared something similar in their pasts to cause them to be the way they were. Maybe her past was as dark as his own, and she didn’t want to bring it up. She didn’t want the past to repeat itself, so she hid herself away—she had said she didn’t train many people. A strange relief fell over Sasuke as he considered it, almost happy at the idea it wasn’t truly him that was causing her to isolate herself from him. But now his curiosity had increased, and one night he got up and left his room, wandering silently down the halls until he reached her room and gently opened her door. He found her sitting by her window in a meditative position, but not truly meditating, her eyes open and staring blankly at the moon shining onto her. Sasuke didn’t try to rouse her, merely leaning against the doorframe and watching for a minute more, frowning in concern. What was it that had happened to her? He wanted to know—he wanted to help. Maybe if he did she’d finally talk to him. He started to move forward; a sudden urge to comfort her washing over him—until suddenly he realised what he was doing, and backing away swiftly he sprinted back to his room, leaning his back against the door with a glare on his face.

What the hell was he doing? He couldn’t just go around acting like that. He knew what he was feeling—and he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t like her; especially not in that way. He had other things to do and concentrate on—his training, for example! Sasuke had to focus on going after Itachi; it was his main goal in life and he wouldn’t let himself distracted. It was an impossible situation for the two of them, even if he did like her. There was way too much going on elsewhere in their lives to consider anything like that. It didn’t matter to either of them, and Sasuke was being an idiot. He wasn’t thinking straight. Shaking his head, he wondered whether he was going crazy as he walked over to his bed and flopped down onto the mattress. Clamping his eyes shut, he concentrated on going to sleep, hoping that when he woke up, all these ridiculous thoughts would be gone.

Only it didn’t have quiet the affect he wanted.    

As he slept, his dreams were filled with memories of his past—when he had been living in Konoha. But not just when he was in Team 7; of when he was still with his family and the clan was all still alive. He remembered so many different things as memory after memory flashed through his head, whether spending time with his parents or with Itachi himself. A surge of love for his family overwhelmed him as he dreamed, thinking of all the good times he’d had and how he wished he’d treasured them more and done more to protect them. Hell, he didn’t like Naruto and yet he had still protected him against Haku, risking his life for him. His dreams reminded him of what it was like to care for someone—something he’d thought he’d long forgotten.

It was this feeling that wrapped around him, and though the dreams continued the feeling remained, not about to let him go any time soon. But then again, maybe it wasn’t going to disappear. Maybe it wasn’t leaving…because it had always been there. Maybe he did care about her. And maybe…just maybe…he could let that happen. He’d always said he’d regretted the fact that he hadn’t been strong enough to protect his family. But it wasn’t like that anymore. She was there—and he could protect her. An unusual feeling of longing appeared abruptly to accompany this, and with a jolt of surprise Sasuke realised a part of him actually missed being able to care for someone. He wouldn’t be so determined to kill Itachi if he didn’t. He had lost the chance to do so with them, however, when they had been killed. But as Sasuke slowly woke up, opening his eyes to stare at the ceiling, he began to understand one thing:

He didn’t want to lose the chance this time.