A Rose By Any Other Name (A Sasuke Uchiha Story)

Chapter 43.

Mei had never imagined this plan going entirely smoothly with the way she was feeling.

But she had at least thought the physical part to the journey would be easy enough. Even if she was upset, angry and unsure about everything that had happened between her and Sasuke, at least she would be heading back to the valley; to the dojo, and would be making progress regardless of the thoughts going on inside her head. Physical actions had always come to Mei easier than verbal, and considering she was merely heading back the way she had come from, it had never occurred to Mei there would be any problems. So what if she was on her own now instead of travelling with Sasuke like it had been recently? Mei didn't need him to do anything—regardless of their relationship, she had never needed to rely on him to do things, and Mei certainly wouldn't now. She had lived most of her life on her own and had done perfectly well; the prospect of the journey didn't scare her in the slightest, so all Mei had to do was keep going until she reached the valley once more.

However, things didn't quite seem to be going her way. For a few hours Mei had strode through the forest, disregarding the darkness, her destination at the front of her mind. Though the darkness might change things for some people, Mei was able to discern her position regardless of what time of day it was—or at least, she would have been able to before. The circumstances had changed from the way Mei usually worked, when she knew her surroundings well, or even if she didn't, planning and keeping an eye on her environment had always allowed her to figure out what to do and where to go. But she'd come a long way from the valley. The forest here was nowhere near as dense as the one she'd known all her life, and yet it seemed worse to deal with, and only served to make things more difficult. When travelling from the valley with Sasuke, there had been so much going on between the two of them that Mei had never truly paid attention to the path they had taken to reach the village where Hebi was staying. Sasuke had never said the name of the village, and it never really occurred to her to figure out where it was in relation to the valley, when she had accepted she would never be going back there again. Not to mention they had then travelled on from there with the team, and still there was more on Mei's mind that the journey and where they might be headed.

Though ultimately that left Mei with practically no idea where she was—she doubted she would have been able to figure things out while still at the camp, let alone now she had gone off into the forest. It didn't make her stop; her emotions were too near the surface at the moment, and if Mei stopped now they would only overwhelm her, and Mei couldn't let that happen. It didn't exactly help her state of mind, either. Her thoughts were already swirling constantly round her head, Sasuke's words ringing in her ears, doubts and worries creeping in...now knowing she was lost and confused in her surroundings, especially when she had never been like that before, always certain and knowing what to do, was really affecting Mei. One reason why Mei had doubted truly leaving the valley was because she had never travelled and so much of the world was new to her—she hadn't wanted to feel weak and pathetic because of it. But wandering around the way she was now, with no clue where to go next, merely brought about that feeling and heightened it. She did feel weak. She did feel pathetic. There just didn't seem to be a way to do anything about it. Her stubbornness, combined with her emotions, stopped Mei from considering the possibility of turning back to at least use the campfire as a way to regain her bearings, but that didn't leave her with many options.

Still, Mei refused to let something like this get the better of her. She couldn't face Sasuke again after what he'd said and the way things had turned out, and had made the decision to head back. After all she'd been through, Mei couldn't let this be the end of her. Being lost wasn't exactly the end of the world, when it came down to it, and even if she had to eventually stop to get some rest somewhere in the forest, she could just start again in the morning. Not that Mei was in the mood to stop right now, her eyes glaring but her expression downtrodden as she continued on. That in itself was only holding her back, and shaking her head furiously, she cursed Sasuke mentally at the idea that even after everything he'd done and for being the reason she was getting out of there, he still haunted her and affected so much of what she did.

Mei tried and tried to push her emotions out the way, to focus on the current task at hand like she had always been trained to do. To always think rationally and clearly—to let your emotions take control was to lose the battle. Of course, that had been rather easily done when Mei had been living alone and without anyone around. After meeting Sasuke and deciding to train him, right away Mei rediscovered the force of emotions and just what they could do to you—not to mention dealing with Uragiri. Still, Mei had thought she'd gotten over that. She had accepted everything that had gone on, even with everything that happened after leaving the valley, and her emotions wouldn't get in the way anymore. But the fact it was Sasuke rose again in Mei's mind, and a snarl flickered over Mei's features. So many times she had turned away from him, not letting him get close after what had happened when she was young, constantly telling herself it was too big a risk. Then what had happened? She had let him in, and so much had occurred, and for the better—but it didn't seem like anything would turn out any different from when Uragiri had been around, even though Mei had been closer to Sasuke than anyone.

Any hint of a snarl or glare faded from Mei's expression now, a feeling of desperation falling over her no matter how hard she tried to push it away. The idea that she had practically been betrayed twice wouldn't leave her mind, tears rising in her eyes even as Mei fought to get rid of them. This was exactly the reason why Mei had tried to keep everyone at arm's length—if she didn't; this was how things ended up. But was that how it was always going to be? All her life she had lived alone and said that she didn't want anyone and didn't need anyone—she preferred being alone. But she couldn't deny that being with Sasuke like she had felt good, bringing back memories of being with her father. Mei couldn't deny that, deep down; she didn't want to be alone. But nothing in her life seemed to letting it be otherwise.

Trying to continue on regardless, Mei took in her surroundings and couldn't help but wonder if she'd been walking in circles—with how her thoughts had just been, she couldn't remember where she'd been going for the last few minutes. The trees and darkness appeared endless, and looking up, Mei found raindrops falling thick and fast around her, just making things worse. Clenching her fists as the rain soaked her through, she slammed both her hands against the nearest tree, crying out in frustration as she did so. Mei didn't want to feel helpless like she was, not when she was normally totally in control. Not when she had always been so independent and capable. But all she could think about as she rested her forehead against the bark of the tree was that she wanted to be with Sasuke like they'd been at the dojo. Continual images of being close to him flashed up into her thoughts, and nothing would make them go away. Mei didn't want to go back and see him, true; she was going back home. But that didn't stop Mei from wanting to feel warm and safe, the way she did with Sasuke.

Maybe it was the rain, or maybe it was how involved she was with her thoughts, but Mei didn't notice there was anyone around her, even as they inched in closer and closer. It wasn't until the blow to her side that it fully occurred to Mei what was going on, but in retrospect, it made sense. They had stumbled across a girl wandering alone, obviously lost, wet and tired and not looking in any condition to fight. For a group of people most likely looking for volunteers for human trafficking of some kind, Mei had been the perfect opportunity. Yet even though she was a high-ranked ninja and easily able to protect herself, everything that had happened in the last few hours had caught up with her. As Mei scrambled back up to fight back, she tried to make out how many of them were there, but found she couldn't. The tears she had fought so hard to hold back now blurred her vision, her nonstop journey through the forest finally taking its toll on her energy, the rain making it slippery and that feeling of hopelessness that just wouldn't fade all swirled together and enveloped her. As much as she tried to defend herself, there didn't seem to be any openings for her to attack in return, and it wasn't long until she found herself lying on her side, disorientated and in pain, the rain continuing to fall around her as she felt a pressure on the back of her neck, drawing her into unconsciousness.