Writer

Chapter 7

I tried to drown out the sound of his voice calling my name so I could sleep if only for an hour.

Sleep didn't come at all to me the night before. Rye dropped me off at my dorm, neither of us saying a word until we reached my room.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow at six." He said.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I fumbled with my key.

He grabbed it from me and unlocked the door in one fluid motion.

"That's a surprise."

I started to see a trend with him.

Stupid surprises. Stupid me for going along with them.

"Okay." I answered and he moved in for a kiss, but I quickly went into my room and shut the door.

Even if I had wanted to kiss him, I couldn't.

I barely knew him.

I had to slow down.

I had to understand what I was feeling.

When I got into my bed, I tossed and turned until the sun shined through our window.

Lily had gotten up and I forced myself to pretend I was asleep.

I didn't want to talk.

I hated having to talk.

Once she left, I looked at the clock.

7:00 am.
7:00.
I didn't sleep at all.

The inner battle between what I wanted and what was right played on and on in my head until finally I got up.

Grabbing a jacket, I left my room in an attempt to forget for a while.

But what if forgetting wasn't the right thing to do?

The right thing.

What is the right thing?

I realized I didn't care much to know.

I put on the jacket moments later, and then the smell came.

The smell of honey, cologne, and cigarettes burned my nostrils.

I looked down and to my horror, I was wearing Rye's jacket.

Instead of thrusting it off, like I should, I took a deep breathe and kept walking.

I didn't want to take it off.

I didn't want to avoid my feelings.

I tried to ignore the constant nagging in the back of my head telling me I was moving way too fast.

It kept telling me there are plenty of other guys out there and plenty of other people to see.

I had just started college and the first guy I see with those black eyes had already won me over.

Black eyes.

I've never seen eyes quite as black as his.

I kept walking.

I decided to get coffee.

If I couldn't sleep I wouldn't deprive myself of the simple luxury of a simple energy drink.

The same guy that has been there every day I've came looked at me and nodded.

He knew I didn't speak much, so he knew that pushing my order out of me would take a while. He remembered it now, and it made it easier for the both of us.

Once he was done, I gave him exact change, like I have been, and I walked away.

Instead of heading back to my dorm, I found a park nearby and let myself rest against a tree.

What was I doing?

    Paisley.

His voice mocked me in my head. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but I didn't want people to stare at me.

I hated people staring.

But I liked when he did.

I imagined his eyes engulfing me and soon enough I had my phone out.

Even though the rational side of my brain told me to erase the number off my wrist and forget about it, my heart won. Before I took a shower the other day, I copied his number down and labeled his contact as R.

I never cared to get to know people.

I never cared for relationships or friendships.

I had one friend before Lily.

Her name was Evelyn. Evelyn was like me. We kept to ourselves. Together.
When we hung out we barely made small talk. We just basked in one another's silence, until the shared silence got boring and we would go to be in our own silences. 

I stared at the contact name for what felt like hours.

Then I started typing.

It took a while before I could get myself to press send.

And when I did, I half regretted it.

*What should I wear tonight?* The text read.

I sipped my coffee and waited.

And waited.

I waited until I felt tears pricking my eyes from staring at the screen for so long.

Just when I saw the text bubble, I heard a voice.

"Paisley." It wasn't said in the lovely voice I was getting used to.

When I looked up, I saw Butch's blue eyes staring back at me.