Ten Conflicts [I'm a girl series- Book #1]

Moment 3 - F a v o r i t e C o l o r

I'm gazing at the thick red fluid flowing through my wrists. The more it comes out, the more floor gets painted with my FAVORITE COLOREd fluid. I feel satisfaction. Fears, angers, and desperation vanish and get replaced by peace, love and care. I look at the floor and then at my wrist and guilt starts appearing in my stomach. That's adrenaline actually. My gaze breaks as I start talking to my myself, thinking what have I done. I was never like that. I was a good girl but..... then.... how did I become so lonely that I started... cutting. Hurting myself.  Why was I so desperate? What was happening....

Heart: "You are only consoling yourself that you're happy. You're not. You're alone. Totally alone. Just one more cut and you'll feel better."

Brain: "Why are you hurting yourself? Why are you being crazy? Don't dwell what went wrong and stuff just think that why can't you share your thinking to others like a normal girl would do? Why can't you explain your feelings to your loved ones?"

Heart: "Stupid girl! You already know the answer. Your parents ignore you. Your siblings fight with you. Your friends leave because you're not worth their love. Stop wasting time and do what you want. Do crazy. Just one more cut."

Brain: "Nobody hates you and why are you not worth their love? The fact is everybody is busy in his life just make them realize you're a part of their lives through talking with them. Flowing blood through your veins is only giving you addiction, not satisfaction. You're feeling lonely because you don't talk. Talk with your parents no matter who they are and what they feel about you. You're not worth being hurt."

"Yes! I'm worth being hurt. I'm worth being hurt. I hate myself. I am useless. I'm not perfect. I'm not beautiful. I deserve this. I deserve hurting myself. I'm worth being hurt." Screams and cries escape from my mouth as the cold blade pierces my thin skin again.

******

So, there was a girl in my class who used to cut and I felt really sorry for her although I never talked with her about this. But I knew she had something going on in her mind. She could not study well. She could not interact with people. She could not even talk well. And one day she left the school. I wish I had talked to her but there's no use. I wonder how's she now. If anyone feels like being alone, you can talk to me. I can't make you feel relaxed but I'll manage to tell you that you're not alone.

Anyway, please comment and vote.