Forgive me

Don't break

I set the plates down at the table and L perched on his chair. "I assume you like the flowers?" He said smiling and looking at them. I stayed quiet and started to eat. He began eating too. "Thank you. It's very good." He said after a while. "You're welcome." I said not looking up at him. "So...tell me...where did you stay while you were hiding from me?" I said still monotone. L put his fork down and I could feel his gaze burn into my head but I refused to look at him. "I was not hiding from you Y/n." He said seriously. "So where did you stay?" I insisted. He sighed. "I have accomplishers. They are well trained people that follow in my foot steps." He began. I just listened. "I stayed with N and the American task force." He confessed. I now looked to him. It was only for a second before looking down. "You continued the case?" I asked bluntly. "I had to, it was my case to continue." He said equally as blunt. It was quiet for a minute. "Why the hell didn't you tell me you were going to fake your death!" I shouted and startled him, making him drop his fork. "I needed it to be believable." He said calmly. My mouth hung open. "So wait...you're telling me you hurt me because you needed it to be believable!" I shouted and set my fork down. "Yes." He said and took another bite. "I couldn't have you stage that, it was much to hard. I needed Light to believe I truly died so I could work from a different level." He explained with his mouth full. My stomach turned. My eyes filled with tears. "So you just used me...." I said standing up. L choked on his food. "No Y/n-" I cut him off. "Leave me alone." I said running past him and ignoring him when he tried to stop me. "Y/n, please try to understand it was not like that." He said from the bottom of the stairs as I ran up. "Shut up! You used me to get to light! If it weren't for me making a fucking believable story for you, light would still think your alive!" I shouted. L stayed with widen eyes. Even I was surprised. I've never told L to shut up or even let alone yell at him. "You just left me. You hurt me and left me. I thought you loved me but you used me and you just left me to really think the only person I love was dead. I cried for you every night because I thought you were gone!" I shouted from the top of the stairs. L darted up the stairs as I crumbled to the floor in tears. I was crying so hard now. He scooped me up in his arms as he sat down on the floor against the wall no matter how much I tried to push him away and protest. "You don't think it hurt me to do what I did to you. I did not have a choice Y/n." He said holding me and rocking me back and forth. I just cried into his chest and held his shirt trying to pull him closer now. "I-I wish you would ha-have told me something, y-you jerk." I cried. He sighed. "I suppose I deserved that..." He mumbled. I was so angry with him. "How can you love me, you don't hurt the ones you love." I said and pushed against him now. I broke free and stood up. "I apologized before hand." He said standing up too. "Doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt!" I yelled. "Do you have any feelings at all? Do you realize people have feelings? I lost everything an I didn't want to lose you, and I did, that hurt like hell and now you just show up and except me to be understanding!" I shouted. L stayed quiet. "I'm going to sleep." I said through clinched teeth. "Y/n I-" I cut him off. "Goodnight." I growled and slammed the bedroom door hard behind me.

I ended up crying myself to sleep. I woke up late that morning, lucky I've been given a vacation from work. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. My lungs felt heavy and my heart still hurt. I stood up and walked to my door and opened it. There L was leaning on the wall across from the door. Asleep. I found myself slightly smiling at his cuteness but quickly frowned has I remember what his sleeping form reminded me off. "Hey, get up." I said a bit rough and walked past him as he jolted away. He quickly stood. "Good morning." He said putting his hands in his pockets. I realized he was still in his clothes. "Does he not have a place to stay at?" I wondered to myself. I shook that concern from my head as I walked down the stairs to be met with a meowing cat. He was hungry. "Come crow." I said walking to the kitchen to feed him. I finished and turned around to see L in the door way with a very apologetic look. He approached me slowly and I started to back up the closer he got. Eventually I was backed against the fridge. He put his hands on my hips and rest his forehead against mine. "I apologize for doing what I did. As I said last night, I had no choice. The pain you went through with your brother fueled me to put an end to Kira." He began. "I did not mean to hurt you, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I did not use you. I needed you and you were of great help. I'm so sorry I put you through all of this." He said an I could see him trying to bite back tears. This made it even harder not to just give in. "Why didn't you come to me sooner, why make me wait, why make me suffer for a year?" I asked. I looked down instead of at him. "I wanted to keep you safe. I told Matsuda not call you so Kira wouldn't know of your where abouts, my goal was to keep you safe as best I could because I was not here to do so." He explained. Oh man, oh man, this is hitting hard. How can I not forgive him now. God damn it! "I've come to the conclusion, it was selfish of me to want you to forgive me right away." He added. I slowly nodded. "Yes...I will need some time." I said still looking down. "I have time." He said and kissed the top of my forehead before walking into the living room.