Standing By-an Avi Kaplan fanfic

Chapter 15: Grief and Other Things

**A/N: sorry, this is a sudden jump from the last chapter, just to bring things down a few notches again.

It's been four months since Dylan passed away.

Gran, Lorraine, the rest of our family and I were devastated. Grief took over and we were dysfunctional. For the first week, I did anything and everything I could to distract myself from the truth, but it was no use.
Lorraine returned back to Smithers, and Gran and I basically wandered around the house like zombies, unable to even do basic housework, more or less cook.
Without Avi's―and the rest of Pentatonix's―help, I think Gran and I wouldn't have been able to survive even a week or two.

Today is a beautiful spring day. The sky is blue, speckled with small white clouds, and the Sun's rays beam down warmly. Birds are chirping and bees are buzzing around the bright new flowers, but my mood is basically the antonym of the current environment and weather. I'm miserable.
I sit on the swing in the backyard, thinking of Dylan and what he last said to me: "Follow your heart. Don't give up on anything." I feel guilty and empty. I don't know what that means, I say silently in my head. I've already quit modeling...
I hear the back door open and look up. Kirstie walks out, holding two glasses of orange juice.
"Hey," she says quietly, sitting on the grass beside me. She offers me the second glass. "Want some?"
I take the cold glass from her. "Thank you."
"How are you holding up?" she asks me gently as I take a few sips of the sweet juice.
I sigh. "I don't know. I mean, I guess now I've finally accepted the fact that he's gone, but... I feel empty, y'know?" I say. "Like, it's hard to explain, but I guess believing that he wasn't dead sorta kept him here, if that makes sense."
Kirstie nods. "No, I understand." She searches my face, her flawless features sympathetic. "I'm so sorry. You've been through so much..."
I just stare into my orange juice.
We sit in silence for a moment. "Hey, Kirst, can I ask you something?" I say quietly.
"Sure, you can ask me anything."
"Dylan, he... He said something to me, right before he died. He told me to follow my heart and not to give up, but I don't know what he means. Do you?"
She shakes her head. "Sorry, not really... He might've meant something like to do whatever you're passionate about, and not to give up on that, however hard it gets," she suggests.
"I don't know what I'm passionate about, though," I sigh wistfully.
"You'll figure it out," she says, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before retreating back into the house.