A Light in the Dark

Chapter 40

"So, uh... you wanted to talk?"

Camila was too nervous to face Lauren and simply threw her coat on the couch. On the way back home she had thought about the entire situation, about Lauren and her feelings. And she had come to a conclusion. This had gone too far. She couldn't keep up anymore, she wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to know where exactly they stood. She wanted clarity.

"No, we need  to talk," Camila answered finally and fumbled with the hem of her dress. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Lauren..."

"Wait... wh-what do you mean?" she heard her stutter and Camila pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I don't mean it like that," she quickly explained after hearing the amount of fear in Lauren's voice. Camila reluctantly turned around, only to be met with frightened green eyes. "I just... you confuse me so freaking much, Lauren. I don't know what to do anymore..."

She felt a lump forming in her throat and swallowed harshly. This was not the time to cry. She needed to get this off her chest. She didn't want to second-guess every interaction they had. Every exchanged smile, every lingering touch, every playful wink... She had to know, it was driving her insane. She needed the reassurance that she wasn't making it all up in her head somehow. She needed to hear from Lauren that there was an actual chance, that there was something  going on between them. She wasn't looking for a date, she didn't even need a kiss... she just wanted to know that it was real.

"Can't do what?" Lauren asked quietly and slowly approached her. "Camz, what is it?"

A tear escaped her eyes which she quickly wiped away. "Do you really not know what I'm talking about, Lauren? Do you not have any ideas? None at all?"

"Camz, I..."

Lauren looked lost as she helplessly tried to take her hand, but Camila backed away. She couldn't get distracted by the green eyed girl. Not now.

With a hurt expression, Lauren shook her head. "I... I don't..."

"Okay... let's start with this evening. What was that tonight, Lauren?" Camila asked softly, her gaze firmly trained on the girl in front of her. "You were acting so... so unlike your usual self. In one moment you're totally fine, the next you're almost starting a fight with Jacob and then that... dance..."

Lauren blushed slightly and averted her eyes.

"... and suddenly you're back to normal... what was that all about?" Camila finished and tried to ignore the pain in her chest as Lauren only shrugged nonchalantly.

"Friends can dance with each other, can they not? And I already apologized to that Jason guy or whatever his name was. I thought he would take advantage of you or something..."

"So... that was it?" Camila asked desperately and heard how her voice cracked slightly. "That's the only reason? Nothing else?"

"Why are we even having this conversation?" Lauren fired back and crossed her arms defensively. "What's up with you?"

"What's up with me?" Camila echoed worriedly. She had not anticipated that Lauren would get so... irritated. The question was just meant as a conversation opener, not as an attack.

"Yes, I mean... God, Camz! Had I known that you feel so awkward to dance with me like that, I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to come across as... I don't know. I didn't want to make you so uncomfortable, I thought it would be fun..." Lauren sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm really sorry that I freaked you out like that. It really wasn't my intention. Not at all."

So... everything she had interpreted as clues were just delusions? Had she really misread all the so-called signs? And had Dinah been delusional too? Was there really nothing but friendship and playful flirting between her and Lauren? Had she read too much into all of it when everything had been strictly platonic? But what about Lauren's comment that she definitely  didn't see her as a sister? She had been so sure that this had been Lauren's way of telling her that she felt something more than friendship...