Mendacity: Book One (Severus Snape)

Chapter 16

Severus stopped in his tracks, moving away from me instantly and mumbling, "What am I doing?"

"Severus, please-"

"No. This is not negotiable."

And with that, Professor Snape stormed off. His cloak swished behind him as he strode down the stairs and as far away from me as possible, probably.

I suspired heavily, feeling sobs take over my body again. When he said he could remember me, who was truly on his mind?

Lily.

I could feel it. It was Lily that was behind his eyes and I would have to give up or wait for him to get over her - it had been at least ten years since she died, so when would he forget her?

I sat there and cried worse than I ever had. I felt alone and rejected. Sometimes I regretted being as outspoken as I could be.

Now Severus had walked away with full knowledge of my feelings and the intent to ignore them.

But I can remember you.

How could I get rid of that 'but' that was keeping Severus from me? All he needed was to move on.

I moved from my seat reluctantly, knowing that it must have been past curfew. I crept all the way to the Slytherin common room and up to my bedroom.

On my note, tucked between my pillows and duvet was a note that said, 'I'm sorry'.

I sneered at the note. It had to be from Severus, those were the famous words that he had enjoyed saying to me so regularly.

But did he really enjoy speaking to me?

Throwing the note away, I didn't check to see if there was anything written on the other side.

Severus' POV

I'm sorry.

The words, tear-stained across the small piece of parchment I had cut to a size that no one else would notice, stood out like a wizard's attire in a mess of muggle clothes.

I have feelings for you.

I stared down at the words. I pictured her grey eyes behind them, reciting them to me instead of vice versa. My throat felt dry as I stumbled my way to Verita's dormitory, the Firewhiskey I'd drank after leaving her on her own taking its toll on my body.

I could handle alcohol, but not whole bottles of it.

I knocked on her door, hoping she wasn't there. It was easier for me to do this if I didn't have to see her face.

I breathed in deeply, and opened the door when she didn't answer. Sure enough, her room was empty. I noticed that there was no one else staying there and thanked goodness for that.

I thought to myself. Why the sudden change of heart?

And my very own heart called back to me, telling me that I was a coward in the first place.