phan // is our hatred real? ✘

- 5 -

I lifted my hand up and with a fist, shut the button on the alarm clock off. The annoying beeping still lingered in my ears. Hopefully by shrugging it off, it would leave me the fuck alone.

I turned to the other side to face the wall and covered my head with the blanket. Practically my whole body was hiding under the blanket, as I curled up into a ball and shutting my eyes to go back to sleep.

And just my luck, there was a knock at the door. Obviously really tired I ignored it but it grew louder and repetitive.

"Dan." The voice outside said. "It's Chris."

"It's opeeeeeen."

I continued to stay in my position because it was so damn comfortable while the other male walked in. He sighed, looking at the lump on the bed, and sat down at the edge of it.

"Are you going to get up?" He asked.

I shook my head and mumbled, "Not any time soon."

There was silence between us but then there were noises. Soon I feel someone hovering over me, a shadow appearing that blocked the bright lights in my room. Chris' face was close to mines.

"Come on Dan. Wake up or I'm going to do the thing."

I gasped. "You wouldn't."

"I would."

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I thought about it.

"Fine I'll get up." I gave in. "Just don't do it."

Chris smiled at me and leaned away, sitting back down on the edge again. I got out of bed and stretched, letting out a yawn.

"You still play it?" Chris questioned. I didn't know what he meant so I turned around and spotted him staring at my piano.

I nodded, walking to my closet and starting unbuttoning my pajama shirt.

"Are you going to show me?"

Taking off my shirt, I set it down on the floor, not bothering to pick it up and folding it neatly. I didn't know what time it was but if Chris was in my house then I might be late.

"No..." I muttered and gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry Chris."

He shrugged and smiled too. "That's okay."

The thing about Chris was, he never force me to talk about things. He knows it makes me uncomfortable in certain subjects so he leaves it alone and waits patiently until I'm ready to say it.

Just like in Year 10 when I came out to him as gay. I told PJ too. I cried but with Chris, it was different.

He saw me acting weird for a month then one day when I told him I needed to tell him something important, I was even more weird, scared in fact. But instead of pressuring me to spit out information, he gently held my hand and did the thumb thing. We sat in silence but it was a comfortable silence.

I said the two words and tears started pouring out. Thoughts came rushing in and I grew even more scared of his reaction but he smiled and hugged me.

"Dan it doesn't matter if you're gay or fuck, if you're secretly a unicorn. You're one of the nicest, sweetest, and the most creative person I have ever met. You like guys so what? You want to go out with a guy, that's cool. You want to marry a boy, that's fucking awesome. As long as you're happy, then I'm happy too. Besides... I'll always be your best friend right?"

After telling my two friends, I told them to promise to keep it a secret until I got the courage to tell everyone else. But I never did. I only told my parents and them. I put it off for years because I thought they were fine. They were my mere support after all.