phan // is our hatred real? ✘

- 6 -

"Please Dan answer me..." Chris said, softly. I can hear his voice breaking. I can practically hear everything break.

Again I didn't reply.

Instead of the position we were in, Chris in front of me and almost close to straddling, he took a seat right next. He held my hand and I thought he was going to do the rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand thing but no. He brought my hand up and placed a kiss on it.

"Ch-chris..." I finally said. My voice was so fucking low but I was sure in the restroom with just the two of us that he heard me.

"I'm here Dan." We locked fingers and he squeezed it as if to tell me everything is okay but you know what? It wasn't. Nothing is ever okay. How can it?

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but all that came out was a small whimper. More tears started to flow out and I felt so weak. Shattered. Betrayed. Everything was unbelievable.

My head fell forward, landing on his chest, nothing but tears getting on his shirt. He snaked his arms around me and there wasn't any distance between us. It felt like he was protecting me. It felt nice for once.

"I... I don't understand why.... I should have known Chris... but I... what am I going to do now...? He's going to tell everyone a-and-"

He kissed my forehead in reassurance and I immediately shut my mouth.

"He's not going to tell anyone. I won't let him." Chris firmly said. "He hurt my best friend and I wasn't going to let him get away with it."

I pulled away slightly, our faces inches away from each other. "And h-how are you going to do that?"

Chris caressed my cheek and wiped the remaining tears away. "I'm going to think about it. But don't worry about it okay? Let your Chris take care of this."

My lips tugged into a smile and I tackled him into a hug. "Thanks Chris."

"Anything for you." He responded, kissing the top of my head.

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"The library is so boring." Chris groaned. His head was on the table and arms stretched outward.

I laughed and poked his arm. "It isn't. I love the library, it's really quiet and peaceful. Don't you?"

"Well I used to but now I don't."

"Oh yeah after your crus-"

"Shut up!" Chris jerked his head up and yelled. He was immediately lectured to be quiet from the librarian and I held in my muffled laughter.

He pouted and crossed his arms, "You're so mean."

"You love me though." I said, playfully winking at him as I stood up to return the book I finished reading.

I heard Chris scoffed. "In your dreams Howell."

Seconds later, I came back and sat down on the table, him looking up at him and our eyes met. "If you don't like it here." I said. "Where do you want to go?"

Chris wore a thinking face on then his lips perked up into a smirk and he gave me 'the look.'

"We're not going to ditch school Chris."

The smirk was replaced with a huge O. "And why not!" It was more an exclamation than a question.

I elevated my index finger, "Because ditching is a big no no."

"Says the guy who continously ditched in middle school."

"Hey. I'm a changed man." I puffed my chest up and trying to act tough.