Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

SEVEN

Grocery shopping had never been Josh's favorite activity, but it was even more of a struggle now that each aisle of the supermarket contained more restless voices than the boy had ever heard at once. Shopping centers - and big public places in general - were now comparable to hell, and Josh wished he could silence them all with magic headphones. Sadly, traditional headphones weren't enough to drown the sound of a million people, or so it seemed. 

Sighing with relief because he was nearing the end of his torture, Josh stopped the shopping cart at the end of the closest line. His mother had gone away, "just for 10 seconds" she'd said, to pick up whatever product she had forgotten. Josh's breathing started to pace up at the mere thought of having to confront the cashier on his own, and he was already making up conversations in his head about how he would explain the fact he wasn't able to pay right now, when his eyes caught sight of a beautiful and blindingly blonde young lady.

"Okay, honey," his mother's voice made him jump, "I think we have everything now", Mrs Dun added, a bright smile on her face. And that smile, this one right there, meant everything to Josh, because it was real. It was honest. It wasn't fake. 

"You know what?" he asked hurriedly. "Why don't you just go to the car and wait for me? You must be tired, I know you haven't slept yet..."

Josh hated this. He hated consciously lying to his mother, although he haven't been able to tell her the complete truth about his condition for more than a year now. He didn't really want her to go, he didn't want her to let him take care of it all. But a small lie was better than his mother seeing that beautiful young lady over there, talking to the cashier while excessively throwing her head back from laughing too loud. Because that young lady was the woman who took her husband away from her.

"I mean it, mom. Just give me your debit card and go rest in the car, okay?" Josh asked a little more excitedly now. He wanted her to go. Now. He didn't want to risk her seeing the lady whose name he had already forgotten. He didn't want his mother to plunge back into the dark slumber she'd stayed in for months after Josh's father had left. And he certainly didn't want her to start drinking again.

Mrs Dun hesitated, and for a few seconds, Josh thought he would never be able to convince her. But finally, after a discreet yawn, she accepted his offer and handed him her debit card, asking him at least a thousand time to be careful, and thanking him for being so thoughtful. Josh's breathing only went back to a somewhat normal pace when he was sure his mother was out.

While patiently waiting in line to pay for the groceries, he discreetly watched the blonde girl his father hooked up with. And he still couldn't believe how a man like him could have fallen for a girl like her. She was, what? Barely 25. Superficial from head to toe. And her laugh would make anyone cringe nervously.

His thoughts then wandered to his cheating father. Josh hadn't seen him in months, and now that he thought of it - what was she doing here? Was Josh's father with her? Last time he heard about him, he and his young girlfriend were living in Cleveland. Were they only visiting? Josh hoped they were, because he wasn't sure he was ready to cope with his father being so close to home. He was still convinced that, somehow, everything was his dad's fault. He wouldn't be having such trouble right now if he hadn't cheated, after all.

"Hey Joshua!" a soft voice brought him back to reality. The boy looked down at the cashier, a tiny person with long black hair and green eyes, and realized he knew her.

"Hi, uhm..." he started, ashamed and unsure of what her name was.

"Leah," she finished for him, "I'm in your English class?" He voice was so low Josh could barely hear her under the sound of the items she was scanning. Oh, and those feelings that didn't belong to him didn't help either. It was really hard to focus when you felt both happy and sad, angry and detached, desperate and euphoric. Josh blushed nonetheless, and apologized. He wasn't in a position to ignore what it felt like to be invisible at school, and he should have tried harder to remember her name.