Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

THIRTY SIX

Josh went straight to bed when he came home that night. He felt extremely drowsy, as if all those sleepless nights were finally catching up with him, and no matter how fast he drove, he could never get away. He fell asleep, still dressed and with his shoes on, as soon as his head hit the pillow.

His phone woke him up, vibrating strongly against the wood of his nightstand. For a moment, Josh beamed at the idea of letting it ring to voicemail so he could fall back asleep - he was still so tired - but a weird feeling pulled him out of his dreamland. With a grunt, he extended his hand, tapping randomly on the nightstand until finally his fingers found the device. With just one eye open, Josh focused his sight on the screen, then slid his thumb on the green button as Tyler's name printed itself behind his eyelids. 

"Tyler?" Josh mumbled, not moving from his comfortable position, sprawled out on his stomach, his left hand buried behind the pillow.

"Morning, sleepyhead! Do you wanna come to my house?" His voice sounded happier than it should have been.

Josh nodded, before remembering Tyler couldn't see him. "Yeah. Be there in 20?"

There was never any hesitation coming with that question: if Josh was able to go and spend some time with his best friend, no matter the reason, Gift or not, Josh was going to go and spend some time with his best friend. With a lump forming in his throat, he hoped Tyler would still feel the same now.

"Good," Tyler said softly, pausing for a few seconds before asking, "how do you feel?"

Josh shrugged, once again forgetting that his physical responses couldn't be perceived by his best friend. Taking his time, he rolled over on his back. "I don't know," he admitted, a hint of sadness in his voice, "ok I guess."

"Okay... Well, come over. We'll play Mario Kart and I'll let you win this time, as many times as you want until you feel better than just ok."

Against his will, Josh let out a short laugh before hanging up. With a weight on his stomach, Josh hurried to the shower, trying to suppress that hint of hope that wanted him to believe that maybe, just maybe, he still had the Gift. But the boy knew deep down that it was gone. He had felt it as he drove away from Ethan's house the night before, and he was feeling it right now in the absence of white noise, in the void that had filled his mind. Josh should have felt lighter, but this newfound emptiness weighed a ton.

The last remnants of his shattered hope were completely erased when he stepped into the kitchen, where his mom was busy kneading some dough. She turned around when she heard him, a wide smile spread on her face. "Morning honey, I'm making gingerbread!" 

His mom's happiness should have warmed him from the inside out. It should have spread to him like a contagious illness. It should have tugged the corners of his mouth up. Instead, it only tugged his heart down to his sock. 

This was it. It was gone.

"You okay, sweetie?" Laura frowned, but Josh swiftly smiled at her.

"Yeah, just tired," he said, placing a kiss on her forehead before heading towards the fridge to grab a can of RedBull. "Do you mind if-"

"If you go to Tyler's?"

Josh raised a questioning eyebrow.

"He called the landline earlier because you weren't responding this calls. I told him you were sleeping, and he seemed... I don't know... Relieved? Is there anything you're hiding from me, Josh?"

Her tone wasn't angry or judgemental, just deeply concerned, and Josh shook his head. "No, Mom, I promise." Not anymore, anyway, he thought. "I'll be back later, ok?"