Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

THIRTY

"So... You're telling me that if you make amends to all these people that you've hurt over the past few years, you're gonna lose your... thing?"

Josh nodded, not even looking at the girl patiently sitting on the edge of his bed. Instead, he roamed the relatively small space of his room, his fingers nervously fidgeting. He wasn't sure talking to Debby about all this was the best idea he ever had, but he needed someone to confide in. Someone that wasn't Tyler. 

"That's a good thing, right?"

Josh nodded again, although a little less convincingly. He kept walking back and forth, trying his hardest not to let himself get distracted by Debby's thoughts flying around. How would he say to her what he truly felt without looking like a freak or worse, an attention-seeker?

"So why don't you seem excited?"

Josh stopped. This was it. Sighing deeply, he reached the bed to sit down next to his ex-girlfriend (why did she have to smell so good? Was that still the perfume he got her for her birthday? It had to be!) and rubbed his face desperately. "That's what I'm trying to figure out."

Silence fell upon the both of them as Josh peaked at the sheet of paper in Debby's hand. He had finally decided to show her, thinking it would somehow make more sense, although seeing his messy scratch now didn't seem to make any sense at all, even to him. Silently, he went over the names, making sure he hadn't forgotten anyone.

Mark

Debby

Mom

Dad

Jordan

Kate

Josh closed his eyes. These were all the people he could think about. He had previously stricken through Mark and Kate's names. That left four of them. Four people he had to make amends to before the Gift would leave him. And he still wasn't certain he wanted it. As if on cue, Debby voiced his concerns.

"You wanted it gone the moment it started, you've said it yourself. This thing has made you miserable. It has made you lonely. It made you close yourself off from the people who loved you. Why would you want to keep it?"

Josh shrugged, thinking deeply about how to answer that. He had spent the last few nights and days thinking about it, yet he hadn't found the right way to formulate what he truly felt. Thing was, he wasn't sure the Gift was such a bad thing to have anymore. Debby seemed to have missed the point. He couldn't blame her, though, as these would have been his thought process before the events that unfolded in Cincinnati. But what if the Gift's purpose was, in fact, to make Josh realize all the things he was missing out on? What if the Gift had been cast upon him only to make him stop taking things and people for granted? Why would Josh want to get rid of an ability that ultimately, even through struggle, made him a better person? That, and the fact that the Gift was, according to him, the one and only link to the strongest connexion to another human being Josh had ever experienced... But Josh couldn't possibly admit all that to Debby, could he?

"Are you reading my mind, right now?" Debby's deep voice startled him out of his thoughts. "Because if that's the only reason you wanna keep this thing alive, I swear to God-"

Josh chuckled. "No, I'm not. And no, it's not. It's just-" Josh took a deep breath, "I feel like this ability can do so much more and-"

As his voice broke, Josh felt Debby's cold hand reaching out for his. She intertwined their fingers, just like they used to, and Josh was overwhelmed with nostalgia as she searched for his eyes to fall into.