Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

TWELVE

"Tyler, are you... Are you like me?"

The silence was thick as the question resonated through Tyler's room. The teenaged boys stared at each other for a while and a hand behind his back, Josh was crossing his fingers, hoping that this wasn't true; that Tyler didn't have those powers because that would mean so many things he wasn't ready to accept, the first of those being that the only time Josh had felt something from him had revealed Tyler's true inner sentiment: pure, uncontrollable and inevitable crushing sadness.

As silence lingered, Josh opened his mouth, ready to reiterate the question, even though he wasn't sure he wanted an answer anymore. But suddenly, as his eyes looked into Tyler's once again, it happened. Josh felt.

And it crushed him. It appeared swiftly, without notice, kind of like rain on a summer day. It poured into him like thousands of icy cold drops, filling his body with gut-wrenching sadness, and all he wanted to do was cry out, cry it all out, let the tears empty his soul from the hurt he was now experiencing. Tyler's hurt.

And then, as quickly as it started, it disappeared. Josh, almost panting, searched his best friend's eyes; not that he wanted to feel that again, but for some kind of confirmation that he wasn't dreaming, that this was real - although he knew it already. Such level of pain could only be real. No one could ever make that up.

Tired, his heart emprisoned in a vise, Josh fell to his knees and raised his hands to his eyes, only now realizing he was crying. Automatically, Tyler stood up from his chair to join his friend on the floor, and he held him. He let him cry out until his cheeks were dry, Josh's red eyes the only remnants of the pain he had just endured. 

"Tyler..." Josh whispered, his breath still unsteady. "How?" he finally asked, looking up into Tyler's eyes. "I mean, when? How come? Why you? Why me? What is this?"

"Hold on Josh," Tyler smiled, "those are all questions - except one or two - that I can kind of answer if you give us some time okay?" He was now holding Josh by the shoulders at arms length and gave him a little reassuring squeeze until the boy nodded, rubbing the last tears out of his eyes. "Let's get on the bed first, it'll be more comfortable. We have a long talk ahead of us..."

Josh snorted, standing up only to sit back down on the mattress this time. "And you want my mom to NOT think I'm gay?" he asked playfully, feeling himself warm up a little bit. Tyler laughed at his joke, making it even better. But their smiles both quickly died down, and all went serious again.

Josh took a deep breath. He had so many questions, and Tyler was looking at him, patiently awaiting them. But which one to ask first? None of them were more important than others, and if there was a way to know everything in an instant, Josh would definitely... Wait. There was. After what had just happened, he was pretty positive Tyler could just implant any idea in his mind, give him some information only by thinking hard enough. And he almost asked about that, but soon realized it wasn't the greatest idea. If every exchange of thoughts came with such amount of pain, Josh wasn't ready to experience that again just yet.

"So..." Josh started, scratching his head, "when did it start for you?" He wasn't sure if it was the best way to start this conversation, or if there was any best way to talk about this at all, but it felt like the most obvious first question.

It was now Tyler's turn to take a deep breath in. It probably wasn't easy for him to talk about it, and for a second, Josh selfishly wondered if he was the only one Tyler had ever talked about that with, or if anyone else had been there before him. 

"Okay, how should I start this," Tyler spoke in the meantime, more to himself than to Josh. "You're not the first one I'm explaining this to, but man, it never gets easier..."