Rose is Me Rock is You (A Marauders Era FanFic)

Chapter 22: Seeing

I feel like someone is trying to choke me. Pressure cramping in my throat, blocking my lungs from getting oxygen, drowning me in carbon. Watching Peter give me pained looks when Sirius refused to acknowledge my existence made me feel this. Seeing Remus look away hurriedly rather than make a funny face at me when I caught him staring made me wish I would just run out of oxygen. Feeling James' disappointed gaze burning through the back of my shirt made me wish I was dead.
   I want to apologize, I want us to be friends again. But I can't. Because every time I try and talk to Sirius or Remus (who are always with each other it seems) Sirius will kiss Remus. I can't watch that, it's weird. I still love him, Sirius I mean, he's my brother and I will always love him. But him kissing Remus is gross. It's not natural. And I don't want to see the aftermath of his and Remus' relationship after Sirius gets bored with him like he got bored of all those girls in third year, the hearts he broke. Especially when it's obvious how much Remus cares about him.
   So I keep away, I keep my head down and the wolf keeps its tail between its legs. After the incident in the dungeons, I don't try to get to the Slytherin common room again, but instead I wait after dinner, until I see them- Severus, Regulous and another Slytherin I don't recognize.
   "Reg?" I say, catching his sleeve. He turns around, his eyes wide. His gaze flickers quickly between Severus and I.
   "He's my friend," I say quickly before Regulous has a chance to do anything rash. He relaxes a bit when Severus nods in agreement.
   "What's up?" Regulous says as we walk towards the Gryffindor common room.
   "I just wanted to talk to you again," I say with a smile. Regulous smiles a bit himself.
   "We have to go," Severus says, stopping mid step. Regulous gives him a pledging look but Severus shakes his head. Regulous turns and waves as they had back towards their own common room. I wave back.

  "Sirius?"
Remus is in the bathroom, and it seems this will be my only chance to apologize.
  "What do you want," Sirius says, more like a statement rather than a question. 
   "I wanted to apologize. I-I shouldn't have reacted like that," I start, "But, please just give me some slack. I'm not used to seeing...that-"
  Sirius rolls his eyes, "Just fuck off." 
   I gape at him, "I'm trying to apologize-"
  "And I said fuck off," Sirius snorts, "Your apology means nothing to me."