meant. II n.r.

twenty-one.

I can't sleep. I toss and turn in my bed replaying the whole night. I've been crying so hard that my eyes could fall out of their sockets any minute now. I hold onto my pillow and cry into it when I replay the thought of Nick leaving. 

I climb out of my bed and I go to my bathroom and wash my face off with the cold water.

I look at myself in the mirror. I examine my neck that is covered in blue and black love bites that Nick left me just the morning before. They mean nothing more to me then bruises now.

I don't know what to do with my life now. I don't know where I go from here.  

I feel broken. If I die tonight of a broken heart, I want him to know that he was the last person on my mind. 

January

20 text messages sent to Nick from me. He responded to none. 

5 calls. All straight to voicemail.

February

10 text messages.

3 calls.

None of which he would respond.

March

5 texts and 1 call.

Still no response.

I think he put his read receipts on just to toy with me, because after the last message had sent I could see the time he had read it. 

I don't know what else I can do. I miss him. I just want to talk to him.

April

Nothing. I feel nothing, but emptiness. 

I know he was never really mine, but I still love him after everything that happened.

May

Nick sends me 2 texts and even calls me once. I don't answer the phone when he calls. I look at the text he sent me.

N- "We need to talk." 

No shit Sherlock. We've needed to talk since the minute you left my house 4 months ago. 

N-"I'm sorry."

I ignore his text messages just like he ignored mine. If I had a dollar for every time I texted him 'I'm sorry' in the past 4 months I could buy myself a pair of Chanel boots.

Shit. I am leaving for LA tomorrow to start doing press for Jurassic World, which means I'm going to see Nick. The thought of seeing him soon makes my whole body freeze.

-------------------------------------------

I land in LA around lunchtime. I go straight to the hotel and put all my stuff away. I freshen up and put on some newer clothes so I don't smell like I have been on a plane all day. I throw on some high-waisted white washed jeans, a black tank and some tan sandals. I decide just to go explore the town before I start to get super busy with interviews and stuff. 

I hop in the elevator and I click the button labeled with a "L" for lobby. I wait for the elevator doors to close, but I hear familiar voice shout, "Hold the door!" I hold the door open only to see the ghost I have been dreading to see for the past 4 months. 

Nicholas John Robinson.