I was on the floor trying to shut the world out as I hallucinated of my love, my Bellamy. We were in snow, on earth, a place we had never been before even in our wildest dreams. I was a child again, the same age as when I met him for the first time. Perhaps even before I met him, but I knew it was him. It was as if he held a piece of my soul within him at all times and whenever we were apart I could feel it calling for me, reaching out to me. We were like magnets, it hurt to be apart. I immediately recognized him as the man I loved only younger. He was lying next to me in the cool crisp snow laughing along with me as we made snow angels. He grabbed my hand and kissed it and quietly smiled "I'll miss you." I felt my laughing change. He'd miss me? "Where am I going?" I asked him with confusion in my eyes "You're going to be floated." He smirked at me. Me floated? Panic began to set in as I looked at the snow we were in, it was coated in blood. I looked down at my hands to find a knife in them smudged in the red substance. I went to look back up at my Bellamy, but it wasn't him. It was a monster. It was Marko. I screamed so loud I felt my ear drums bust. My eyes flashed open and I nearly fell out of my bed.
The time I spent being held hostage by Marko haunted me in my dreams. A year of being beaten and burned and never knowing why, never knowing why I was taken. I had a good idea though, they frequently asked me questions about my father Markus Kane who was the chancellors second, and my mother Abby Griffin who was a doctor. I never gave her name, knowing if I did they would float her for the crime of having two children even if she abandoned me and my father after her daughter was born. She was married to another and an affair between my parents could ruin there careers so my father lied about my mother, saying she died from sickness when I was four leaving me to him. It was a clever lie but was still a lie. In the few free hours a day that I want being beaten and interrogated I often wondered about my mother. Where she was, what she was doing, did she think about me. But how could she when my replacement, my younger half sister, was such a perfect child. So why did I protect her from Marko, why did I never give up her name? I'm still trying to figure it out. I didn't owe her anything in fact I thought I hated her but I still kept her secret. I was foolish.
I carved a thin line on the hard concrete floor of my jail cell tallying my forty fifth day in lock up with the pocket knife I had snuck in the day I was taken. I had been locked up for a month and a half wafting for my execution. I wasn't going to lie to myself and say it was going to be okay, it wasn't. I was an adult, I broke the law, and I was going to be floated. I was going to die, no matter how hard I tried to tell them it was self defense. It didn't matter. In two days I would be dead. A birthday is the anniversary of the day on which a person is born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and the giving of gifts. It's a day you're supposed to spend with your family, laughing, smiling. I never imagined I would die on my birthday. Two days from now I'd be twenty two, and it was the day I was sentenced to die. I heard the creak of the door and I looked up, there stood Capitan O'Donnell "You've got five minutes, Adrianna." He warmed me. I quickly stood and walked to the bars. I was met with eyes that I had gazed into a million and one times a day. He was the love of my life, the one who held my heart, and the other half of my soul.
Bellamy walked through the doors and practically ran over to me. He ran right up the cell and I reached for him through the bars. To feel the warmth of his skin again was priceless. He took hold of my face between his slender fingers and I leaned into them like a child returning to their home after a long trip. He leaned into me, kissing me as if we hadn't seen one another in years. It felt that way. I hadn't seen him in a month and a half, but we were separated for a year before that while I was being held captive. The last time I saw him was when the guards ripped me out of his arms half naked and covered in blood after what Marko did to me. Bellamy had found me, my rescuer, but he found me in a gory mess. A mess I created out of pure fear and hatred, he found a different woman who had been changed by pain and fear. He found a monster.
I felt his lips leave mine and I felt tears stinging my eyes at the thought never kissing him again. That kiss could very well be our last. I never wanted our story to end, and because of me it was. "Why would they do this?" He almost yelled "I'm in here because of me, because of what I did. You can't end up in here, Octavia needs you. I need you to promise me you will be there for her. She can't lose you to, Bellamy. You are her brother; I'm just a spoiled girl she grew up with. She needs you." I told him as I held his spare hand through the bars of the cell while he brushed this thumb across my cheek with the hand I had leaned into while we kissed. I never wanted him more in my life, a month and a half apart and I could barely remember the dips and curves of his toned body. I would never get to see it again, never get to make sweet love to him again. "Come on, Adria. I care about you, and I need you." He argued with me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I said fighting back tears. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this, I had a plan. I was going to buy Octavia's way out of here. I was going to bring her home to you." I tried to tell him. "I wasn't supposed to get..." I couldn't manage to say the words. I felt like emitting them made them real and as long as I didn't say the word it was like it never happened. But it was real and it did happen "I wasn't supposed to get...Kidnapped." I cried as the words came out. They made me feel weak, I hated that. Marko was a monster. He kidnapped me and held me captive for over a year. He tortured me until I screamed for help, but no one came. I became a different person, a desperate person. And I did something only a desperate person would do. I killed Marko. I killed him while he was trying to rape me and then killed the other five guards who stood and watched. I killed them before I was violated, before they were going to kill me. I felt like there were no words in my vocabulary to make Bellamy understand. I was in jail wafting to die because I killed my kidnappers. I broke the law. Bellamy would never understand, he would always look at me differently now. I had to make him understand "I didn't know what else to do Bell, the knife was there. It was my only way out, he was gunna kill me I could see it in his eyes." I shook my head with my eyes shut trying to shake away the memories of Marko's dark soulless eyes. He pressed his forehead against mine and sighed "When?" He asked afraid of the answer "My birthday, two days." I quietly laughed at the irony "Then we've got time..." He began "Where will we go Bellamy, were stranded in space." I told him upset at my situation. There was a moment of silence where I knew he was trying to think of something else, but there was nothing. There was nothing we could do, nowhere to run to. "I don't want you to be there." I said softly. "Dria-" I cut him off "I don't want you to see me die, Bellamy. I want you to go see Octavia, and remember all the good things about me, okay?" I asked him seriously. "Okay." He breathed in defeat. "You know, I can barely remember what it was like before you," I began and he looked down at me with sad eyes "I don't even know how we got here, but maybe that's exactly what I needed." I told him as I tangled my fingers around his "Someone who could make me forget where I came from, and someone who could make me love without knowing how to fall." I said as my tears dripped onto my cheeks "You saved me, Bellamy." I told him as I gazed into his dark brown eyes remembering the day we met. I heard O'Donnell's footsteps nearing the door and I felt my tears spill off my chin and to the floor "When my blood drives in my veins and my heart feels no more pain. When my eyes stop blinking and my mind stops thinking. I'll still love you. Remember that." I told him with tears over flowing now. I heard the doors fly open, but we didn't budge "Times up." O'Donnell ordered "Dria!" Bellamy yelled for me as O'Donnell pulled him away from me. "I love you, Adria." He yelled after me "I know." I cried from my cell. "I love you to." I called after him. I leaned back into my cell and cried for a very long time. The idea of never seeing Bellamy again was cringe worthy, but he was strong, he would survive without me. It would take time, but he would get over me. Or at least that what I kept telling myself.
