I sat by a sizable tree near the camp. Part of me was upset about being stuck here resting but I was also kind of grateful to be kept out of harm's way. Something about this place felt off and I didn't bother trying to hide that hint of anxiety wading in the back of my mind. I was quite capable of taking care of myself, being trained as a guard I knew how to fight and protect myself but it was somewhat comforting knowing that Bellamy was close by in case a giant bug tried to eat me or something. I was sitting for a while, enjoying the feeling of sun on my skin, the feeling of soft green grass under my hands, I was just enjoying being on the ground. My head snapped up at the sound of footsteps approaching. "We'll look at you all lonely, looks like you could use some company." A tall guy with light brown hair walked up next to me. I could tell by the look on his face he wanted to do more than just talk. It was the same look Marko had before I killed him "I'm not interested." I told him looking back at the forest line hoping he would just go away. "I wasn't asking." He retorted taking a step closer to me. "I'm warning you, just walk away." I say as I looked up to him with fierce eyes. He grabbed my arm yanking me back into his chest. I was completely terrified by this man "Not this again." I thought to myself begging whoever or whatever gods were out there that I wouldn't have to smash this boys skull against a rock. He turns me to face him and grabs my chin like a mother scolding a child. "Listen here you little-" He was cut off by someone slamming him into a tree "What do you think you're doing?" Bellamy snarled before punching the guy in the jaw, hard, drawing blood. "I was just trying to have a little fun," He declared pushing Bellamy off of him. "She's unclaimed property here man, I can do whatever the hell I want with her." He says walking around Bellamy towards me. He doesn't get far before Bellamy grabs him by the arm slamming him back into the tree. He whispered something in the boy's hair before letting him go. He looks terrified as he runs back to camp. "You okay?" He asks laying a gentle hand on my shoulder "That's the second time you've asked me that today, Blake." I chuckled as I rubbed my throbbing chin where the boys fringes had been "You know I could have taken him, Bell. Now you've made me out to be a damsel in distress." I told him with a fake smile trying desperately not to fall to pieces. I hadn't anticipated just how much Marko and his endless torment affected me. Before I was sold and fierce I could take down a full grown experienced guard without so much as a blink of an eye, the perfect soldier. Now I was shaken by a mere teenager. Now I was damaged. "Don't lie to me Adria." He told me softly, seeing right through my walls "I'm fine." I nodded my head slowly up and down before I began shaking my head left to right. I felt tears creeping back into my eyes, threatening to fall. I felt them fall from my eyes and I began to welt like an old flower. Bellamy wrapped his arms around me and held me close as I ruined his shirt with my tears "I'm not okay, Bell. I'm not okay." I cried into his shoulder. He rubbed my back softly resting his chin on my head as he held me. I wasn't half as traumatized for being almost raped and beaten as I was for how I felt when I was killing those guards. I liked it, and it scared me "It won't always be like this, Dria, it will get better." He promised me. I pulled away from him slowly and he wiped away my tears with his thumb. He sends me a small smile before his face turned serious. "We are in a camp full of criminals, Adria. Tell me if any of them try to hurt you again." He said rubbing my arms protectively. "Technically I'm a criminal too." I said mentally slapping myself for bringing up our past. I carefully sit back down next to the tree, struggling, Bellamy took my hands and helped me down to the ground before sting next to me. I continued to look out at the forest but I felt his eyes burning holes into the side of my head.
He wasn't the type of person to judge people but I wasn't like other people and that made fear sink into every particle of my being when he didn't say anything for a few minutes. He knew what I did to get arrested; I killed Marko and the others. He heard what I said to the Chancellor, that I wanted to kill Marko. That I meant to. He watched me cut the neck of two guards and break of one so bad his head was backwards. It was wrong but I didn't regret either of their deaths, especially not Marko's. I just regretted that I was the one who did it. I got that job to bring our tiny family back together. I failed. He hated what I did. He hated that I wanted Marko dead. He hated that I had the evil inside me to go through with it, and I did without a shadow of a doubt. But I also knew he hated Marko even more for what he did to me. He kidnapped me for an entire year, in that year Bellamy desperately searched for me and the day he found me was the day I killed Marko. I could have let him live. But I didn't, and that's what scared us both. I wanted to tell him to say something but I kept my mouth shut as we sat for what seemed like hours in silence.
As a child I didn't have many friends so I cherished the few I had, but Bellamy, I was drawn to him. I'd never been able to trust someone so quickly as when I met Bellamy. He was my world. Knowing that he could be thinking inadequately about me hurt me, like a blade it cut me up inside. His judgment about what I did, my actions, was the only reason I regretted killing Marko with my own hands. "Please say something." My voice breaks mid sentence. He turned to face me, an unreadable expression etched into his features. "Adria, you're not a criminal. You didn't choose that life, it was forced on you." He says throwing his arm over my shoulder. I freeze at his touch, unsure of what to say. I'd never really told him otherwise. He seems to notice this and his eyes grow soft. "Just know that down here, everything is new okay. Stick with me and everything will be fine." He smiled at me as he went to get up. I snagged his arm and he turned to me confused "What?" He questioned "I could have let him live." I almost blurted out. He sat back slowly as he took in my words carefully "I could have waited for the guards to come, I could have let him live." I told him with shame in my voice "But I wanted him dead, Bell. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill them all. All I could think about was all the pain he had put me through, all I could picture was those guards laughing as Marko held me down." I told him as I lifted the back of my shirt exposing my entire scarred and burned back to him. He nearly gasped at the carnage "Laughing as he burned my skin with white hot iron over and over and over..." I said avoiding his glare as I relived the pain tracing a scar on my shoulder. "I stabbed him," I paused as I looked up into his brown eyes as he examined my back "I stabbed him once, and I couldn't stop." I finished regrettably as I pulled my shirt down "Adr-" Bell went to say something and I stopped him "You where there, you found me. You had to take the knife out of my hands. But I didn't stop hitting him, I couldn't. Every time my fists hit his chest I felt a piece of me being returned after what they did to me." I confessed honestly. "And now, I can hardly look at you because I'm horrified of what you will think of me." I said as I tore my eyes away from him and looked down at the green grass below us. "If any other person in the world did a thing like that, killing a man who took advantage of them, they would be filled to the brim with a sense of triumph or might. But the very fact that you still feel even the smallest amount of remorse is the reason I envy you." He said softly. I looked up to him completely confused "I would never be able to feel sorry for taking his life, and that's because I'm not as evolved as you. You're strong Adria, and you're brave. You feel things on a level none of us could ever understand. I attempt to be more like you; I ask myself when I'm faced with hard decisions what you would do. And if in that situation you chose to kill him, there must have been a good enough reason for you to do it, Adria." He said as he leaned into me and kissed my cheek "You don't need to feel guilty for Marko, he was a monster. If you didn't kill him he very well could have done the same thing to another innocent girl." He said seriously as he stood up motioning for my hand. I take it "Thank you." I say as he helps me up "For loving me when no one else did, and fugitive, a no body." I said feeling very thankful that I had him in my life. His eyes melted and he took my other hand in his "If I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes." He said lifting my chin so I would look him in the eyes "Only then you would realize how special you are to me." He finished and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I closed my eyes to fight off a complete breakdown, I felt him brush away my stray tears. "We're going to get through this, together." He promised me.
