A F F E C T I O N

e i g h t e e n

i started this in grade 11 smh so i am endeavouring to finish it in grade 12.
***

I exit the library, cradling a new book for my reading journal next week and you're sitting on my car.

You did this a lot while we were together, and I liked it. You always let me come to you. I hate the follow-me-around-boyfriend nonsense that everyone else subscribes to.

I cross my arms in front of my chest protectively, as though the heartbreak was physical. Corporeal.

You hop off, tucking your hands in your pockets. "Caro."

Caro. Caro. CaroCaroCaro. My own name fills my stomach with warmth and butterflies. Your eyes are sad and liquid hazel.

"I miss you," you say. Your hair has been recently cut, the fuzz looks soft. You're wearing a white hoodie and sweatpants like you just left the gym. I don't know your schedule backward and forward anymore.

I feel vaguely numb. I could dismiss you, like you've been doing for the past month. I could. I could.

But...

"I know." I reply. I meant to say add: me too.

"Can we be friends?"

Friends.

But...do I even want you anymore?

"Okay." Don't break my heart.