Life on this boat. A Firefly story. #fanfic

No regrets?

Early in the morning, Lou found herself waking up with a man's strong arm wrapped around her middle and an even snore on her neck. She turned as well as she could to look at the sleeping Jayne next to her. Noticing her movements he grabbed hold of her and pulled her closer.
"Go back to sleep,woman!" He mumbled, shifting onto his back. Lou smiled at him and molded herself to his body, resting her head on his chest.
Later in the morning they entered the dining area to a volley of catcalls and applause from the rest of the crew who were allready sat down for breakfast. Lou felt her blush spread but still managed to smile and shrug at Inara's questioning look.
"But I thought.... you said...," Kaylee started and received a bump from Inara.
The rest of the crew calmed their jeering down to amused giggles and laughs.
"Now that you two obviously have gotten that issue out of your system, could we please get back to our normal lives of petty crime?" Mal looked at them with amusement.
Lou sat down next to River as usual and tried her best to appear as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Jayne spent the meal unusually quiet before going to "fix some stuff". As soon as Jayne left Wash pumped his fists in victory.
"I knew it! I told you! Gimme, gimme, gimme," Wash said waving his fingers in the air at Mal and Simon who handed over pieces of paper with IOU's written on them.
"What! You bet on.... that... what?" Lou asked slightly offended but also amused.
"Well... we couldn't NOT bet on it could we? There were enough sparks going to set the whole gorram boat on fire there for a while," Wash grinned counting his winnings.
"Can I ask what exactly you bet on?" Lou asked smiling at their betting scheemes.
"Oh yeah. Simon here won the first lot for having bet that you'd sort it out once we landed on Pandora, and I won it back on Jayne being all awkward about it," Wash grinned.
"Nothing to do with me," Zoe said to Lou.
"Heeyyy... I wasn't even told there was a bet. I could have won," Kaylee said a bit offended.
"And what did you bet, Mal?" Lou asked finding the whole thing funny.
"I bet you wouldn't get yourselves sorted out at all and just continue walking around skulking," Mal grinned.
"Now you know that's not the truth," Shepherd Book smiled at Mal. "You lost your bet weeks ago."
"Book! You were in on it too?" Lou asked in surprise.
"How could I not? You made it all too entertaining," Book smiled.
"You ruttin scavengers," Lou smiled at them.

Soon the dining area emptied, leaving Lou with Inara and Kaylee.
"How come you're not finding this awkward?" Kaylee asked.
"Should I?" Lou asked.
"You just spent the night with Jayne..." Inara smiled.
"And?" Lou said.
"After weeks of build up so loaded that I half expected the two of you to rip chunks out of eachother," Kaylee said.
"You seem so calm about this," Inara said.
"I had an itch. It got scratched. I don't regret it and I'll do it again if the opportunity arises... so to speak," Lou smiled.
"But.. emotions? Feelings? What was it like?" Kaylee asked.
"It was astounding!" Lou admitted, stretching catlike. "Can't complain."
"But how do you feel about him?" Kaylee asked.
"Still think he's hot as hell," Lou shrugged.
"And how does he feel about you?" Inara asked carefully.
"I didn't ask," Lou replied honestly.
Her friends looked at her with concern.
"Look... I can't risk my heart and soul in this. It's all about physical basic needs and nothing more. I can not allow myself to let this be anything more," she said, assuming at least that this would be familiar to both of her friends.
After everybody had eaten breakfast, Lou thought she was alone in the galley washing up when she felt a pair of strong hands on her hips and a male body pressing up against her.
"Now you can't get away," a gruff voice whispered into her hair, sending shivers and tickles down to her toes.
Taking a deep breath to control the shivering in her belly, Lou braced herself.
"You know this wouldn't work?" She said, mentally kicking herself for what she was about to do.
"Sure it would," he said moving his hands up her sides.
"I think you need to leave the kitchen," Lou said.
"I don't think I want to," he said.
"I think you have to," Lou said sadly.
"Why?" He asked into her hair.
"Because I can't reach the cupboards to tidy the dishes away when you are standing there," Lou said with a half-smile.
Jayne took a step back.
"But yesterday...." he asked confused.
"....was fun," Lou turned to face him.
"I'd treat you real nice," he tried making Lou laugh.
Lou shook her head, smiling at him.
"You are sweet, but it would never work," she smiled wiping her hands on a dish towel before beginning to put the dishes away. She heard his footsteps trample out of the kitchen and leant forewards on the counter resting her head in her hands rubbing her temples.
"You're not finding this as easy as you thought, are you?" Inara said from the doorway.
"You saw that, huh?" Lou said.
"Want to talk about it?" Inara asked.
Lou nodded and followed Inara into the privacy of her shuttle.
"I thought this would be easy, you know... One last fling to get all that selfish stuff out of my system before finding my girls and having to help them process whatever they have been through. Once I have them back I can't have some man demanding my attention... But then he comes along and he reminds me so much of how Danny used to be in the beginning, all rough around the edges and able to put a fist through a wall. But he's not Danny and he will never be the type to settle down. Can you imagine, Jayne as a stepdad?" Lou told Inara.
Inara nodded.
"I understand. But you must be careful not to compare the two. Jayne thinks he has to compete with a dead man and that is a battle he will never win," Inara said.
Lou looked into the air.
"I know. And it felt so good to be wanted like that again. If I only could have the sex without the attachment..." Lou smiled.
"I think you are overthinking this..." Inara smiled.
"You think?" Lou asked with mild sarcasm. "I'm such an idiot."
"No you are not. You are just falling in love," Inara said.
"Not love... it's not love," Lou tried to convince herself.
Inara sat quiet, waiting for Lou to make up her own mind.
"Why do I have such a stupid taste in men? Why can I just not find a normal, steady... accountant?" Lou sighed and lay back on Inara's pile of cushions with her hands rubbing her face.
"Because an accountant would be dull," Inara smiled.
"Yeah, but steady," Lou said.
"You need a man who is secure enough and strong enough to not be threatened by your strenght and confidence," Inara answered.
Lou sat up fighting a growing hard lump forming in her chest.
"I'm actually falling for him aren't I?" Lou said.
"Yes. But you aren't falling. You fell weeks ago," Inara smiled.
"If only I knew what he is thinking," Lou whispered.
"You don't have to. You got his attention and not let it go since we left Dorian," Inara told her.
Lou groaned.