Life on this boat. A Firefly story. #fanfic

A few days leave

Later, Lou went down to the cargo hold to retrieve her chest. She was smiling to herself at the thought of what retieving it had led to and kicking herself for ruining things with Jayne.
She grabbed the box and turned to lug it up the stairs when she almost crashed into Mal.
"Seems like Jayne should be helping you with that," he said.
"Oh, I can manage," she grunted with the weight. Why had it looked so light when Jayne carried it through town yesterday?
"Jayne! Get down here and help your lady out," Mal hollered up.
"She said she can manage," Jayne said from the door to the dining area cleaning his nails with his knife.
"I wasn't asking. I was ordering," Mal replied and winked at Lou as he left.
Jayne reluctantly came over and grabbed the box before stomping off in the direction of Lou's cabin. Once inside he dumped the chest heavily on the floor and turned to get back up the ladder forgetting that Lou was close behind him, standing on the last rung of the ladder.
"Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome. Now let me pass," he growled.
"You're angry at me," Lou stated.
"Nope. Just got stuff to do," he said.
"I'm sorry, Jayne," she mumbled.
"For what? Sleeping with me and then regretting it? Don't worry. Won't happen again," He muttered with a sulk.
"Not that," she said.
"Whatever it is, its done with. Now let me pass," he replied looking at the floor.
"Just ruttin look at me," she said frustrated.
Tentatively he looked up to face her.
"I am sorry I was a jackass to you in the kitchen," Lou said carefully.
"You said...." he started.
"I know what I said," Lou said with a weak smile.
He stayed quiet. Lou drew a deep breath trying to compose a good sentence.
"Thing is. I haven't been with anyone I actually care about in a long time. And it is scary. So I thought it would be best to not ... I can't. .. coz I have plans and stuff that need doing and... and I am so scared of this coz you make me feel so...and... I can't risk developing feelings now..." Lou started.
She rubbed her forehead for a second not daring to look at him.
"Feelings?" He said trying the word out.
"Yes, Jayne. You have made me care and I hate it!" Lou huffed.
"Why?" He said.
"Coz it complicates things," she said.
Jayne looked at her with those pale blue eyes that had her knees softening.
"I don't kiss," he said.
"What?" Lou asked confused.
"On the mouth. I never kiss girls on the mouth," he mumbled.
"But... you kissed me?" Lou said.
"Yeah... seems I did," he said with a crooked smile.
A moment later there was a knock on the door.
"Lou. Transport leaving in five to take you and Book to see your brother. You all packed up?" Mal called.
"Almost, just a few little things to sort out" Lou hollered back smiling at Jayne.
"I have to go. I will be back in a couple of days," she told him.
"But you will be back, right?" He asked.
"Yeah. Got to hang on to my job here if I want to find my girls. Besides, I have to figure out if this is just mad, sweaty, earthshattering sex or...," Lou teased trying to sound casual untill he interrupted her with a clumsy kiss.
"Don't... get yourself into trouble," he said seriously.
"Don't think there's much trouble with two preachers nearby," she smiled. "Besides, I think I have all the trouble I need right here."
"I'm only scary if you aim at me with a gun," he grinned widely.
"So cute... so damned cute," she muttered and lifted the backpack onto her back. Lighter than it had been on Boros but still containing what she would need for a few days away.

She set off with Shepherd Book to see her brother, Shepherd Halvard. To Lou he was still her little brother Russ and getting used to his new name was difficult.
Once they had settled, Book wanted to see the church and gave Lou an opportunity to sit with her brother for a while.
"How odd that you should end up in the same ship as Sheperd Book, " Russ said.
"Now that was one coincidence. Turns out the captain was Danny's brother," Lou smiled.
"Really?" Russ said.
Quickly Lou told him about her first day on Serenity and how they worked out the family ties.
"And Book tells me he is helping in your quest to find Brooke and Saphire," Russ said.
"Yeah... I just hope that won't get them into trouble. They have been so good to me. All of them. It's like a big family onboard," she smiled.
"You needed that after all your traveling alone," Russ said. "If they only hadn't killed Danny, he would have gone with you and protected you. I know you're tough, Lou, but I have prayed for your safety since you started this journey."
"Danny would have been killed on sight Russ... You have no idea how much trouble that man's name has got me into on this journey. Seems every scoundrel and their mothers wants a piece of Danny," Lou said rubbing her face.
"But I thought he had left all that behind?" Russ asked.
"That's just the trouble. He left it all behind. A whole big soup of trouble, debts and people wanting revenge for something," Lou sighed.
"But these people you now find yourself with," Russ started asking.
"Malcolm Reynolds is not without his enemies, and there are more than one devil that wants his crew for something or the other," Lou explained. "I just like them. They are good people. If there is such a thing as honor amongst thieves, this crew has it."
"You have an amazing ability to see the best in everybody," Russ said with a smile.
"So I've been told," she smiled.

"Have you heard anything from Serenity?" Book asked the next morning.
"No. Should I?" Lou asked.
"Well.. I suppose no news is good new with that band of trouble," Shepherd Book smiled.
"They have their moments," Lou said.
"What do you mean? Trouble?" Russ asked worried. "Lou if they are a danger to you or the girls, I think I would prefer if you stay here."
"Don't worry, Russ," Lou smiled.
"Oh, I don't think you can keep Lou too long away from Serenity," Book teased.
"What do you mean? Her cooking isn't that good," Russ asked.
"There are... other incentives to a woman of your sister's qualities onboard a ship like Serenity," Book smiled.
Russ looked at Lou who felt a blush spread across her face.
"Oh Lou. You've not gone and done something stupid? Please tell me you haven't shamed yourself," Russ said.
"I haven't done anything to ne ashamed of, little brother," Lou said.
"Your sister has become an invaluable member to Captain Reynolds' crew," Book said smiling at Lou.
"I don't doubt that. My sister has that tendency of making herself valuable. But she also has an irresponsible streak that sets her up for immoral behaviour and unwanted consequences," Russ said.
"Thank you for reminding me of that, Shepherd... Trust me. Your sister is capable of looking after her self," Lou said with a sarcastic half-smile.
"No doubt. Just remember that you can't run to Mom anymore when things go sour," Russ admonished.
"Oh for.... Russ! Get off your gorram high horse. Last time I heard there is still a girl over at Freyheim with a kid looking somewhat familliar," she thundered.
"Adelia made her own choice," Russ snapped back.
Lou shot her brother a sharp look and left the room for some air.
"Is this Adelia the reason why you decided to leave Valhalla?" Shepherd Book asked cautiously after a moments pause.
"I had allready decided. Her... situation became an inconvenience after I had left," Russ replied.
"Shepherd Halvard. Such matters should not be left unresolved," the older priest said.
"As I say. It was not an issue untill after I left," Russ shrugged.
"But if it is an issue, I suggest you take some action towards correcting the wrong. The sin in creating this child is negligible compared to the sin you have done by not acnowledging its existence as your responsibility," Book said.

A couple of hours later Book found Lou sitting on a bench in the rectory garden.
"Seems your brother neglected to inform me of his commitments on Valhalla when I begun his training," Book said.
"He's a hypocrite," Lou mumbled.
"He was a young boy who panicked and took the easy way out. I have spoken to him and convinced him to go back to Valhalla to atone for his negligence," Book said.
"Good," Lou said.
"He is a good Shepherd. He just forgot to be a good human being. I have no doubt he will right his wrongdoings," Book smiled.
"I wish everything could be that easy," Lou said.
"It seems it's not just your brother that weighs on your mind. Is there anything I can do?" Shepherd Book asked.
"Just feel like I am pulled in different directons," Lou sighed.
"I understand. Are you afraid that the love you feel for your family will diminish if you open your heart to one more?," Book asked.
"Not really. It's more that I feel guilty for not keeping my thoughts on Saphire and Brooke," Lou said.
"Should you only think of them? All the time? There is no guilt in wanting some happiness for yourself," Shepherd Book smiled.
"That happiness is only temporary, tho. It has to end when I get them back and cause another person pain," Lou sighed.
"I think you are trying to plan something that can not be planned," Book smiled.
"How am I to get through this if I don't plan?" Lou asked.
"What is there to plan?" Book replied.
"When I get Saphire and Brooke back, I can't be anything else but a mother to them," Lou said.
"And in the weeks or months untill then?" Book asked.
"I have to control myself so that I won't have to rip that new piece of my heart out once they are safe," Lou sighed.
"What makes you think that you will have to do that?" Book asked.
"It's not exactly fair to ask them to accept a new man is it? I don't know what they have been through," Lou explained.
"What if you let things develop and cross that road when you have to?" Book asked.
"Then he might get upset when I no longer have time for him," Lou said.
"I think you underestimate the man in question," Book smiled. "God has a plan."
"Your God can plan but I can't. ..," Lou leaned back and sighed.
"If you are this conflicted, it might be wise to listen what your heart wants and maybe be a bit less concerned about everybody else," Book smiled.
"What I want?" Lou said.
"You can not deny yourself happiness to spare others pain," Book patted her knee and stood up to leave.