Life on this boat. A Firefly story. #fanfic

burying the past

Oh my shiny Serenity! I am at chapter 50.... That's a milestone if ever I saw one!
I will be wrapping this thing up shortly before I start enroaching on Serenity the film timeline... I am trying to tie things into it...

Anyway. A bit of Alan Tudyk promo... go watch ConMan on Vimeo!
It is the funniest thing ever. You will get to see Sean Maher being hilarious and sexy as hell and there is an Adam Baldwin reference that had me giggling for hours...
Anyway... on with Lou's story...

Lou looked at Mal with surprise before she noticed that Jayne too had a shocked expression on his face.
"Ruttin reavers!" Jayne muttered.
"What... wait... you both know this girl?" Lou asked.
"Yeah..." Jayne said.
"She was Ted Duggar's sister," Mal replied.
"Sister? But he told Danny in the video to bring her back so the pirates could have their fun with her?" Lou asked.
"Duggar was ruthless!" Mal said.
"But... his own sister?" Lou asked again.
"Thing is... Lou you ain't gonna like this... she was Danny's childhood sweetheart. They were inseperable. She disappeared some time before Danny was taken. He was heartbroken," Mal explained.
"Why have I never heard about her?" Lou asked.
"I had forgotten all about her," Mal said.
Jayne shrugged.
"She was on the boat with Duggar while I was there," Jayne mumbled.
Lou looked at the face on screen.
"He never spoke of her," she said.
"I suspect that when she was mauled by reavers he wanted to save her. And when he saw he couldn't, he ended her life in the most humane way available to him," Simon suggested holding the syringe for emphasis.
"Makes sense," Mal replied.
"I need to speak with Book!" Lou said and rushed out of the spaceship.
She tried not to run as she saw the Shepherd helping Saphire plant tomatoes and beans. As Book saw her he stood up and walked towards her.
"Lou. You look distressed!" He said.
"Did Danny ever speak to you about someone called Juliet?" Lou asked foghting a feeling of betrayal.
"Ah. Yes. I heard you found a dead person. I suspected it might be her," he said.
"Danny told you about her?" Lou demanded.
"Why don't we go inside," Book offered indicating Saphire. Lou nodded.
Once they were seated with each their cup of coffee, the shepherd started speaking. Lou listened while going through the emotions of anger, bettayal, disappointment, understanding and finally forgiveness.
"When Danny came here, he was grieving the woman he thought he would settle down with. Incidentally it was the same woman he had killed to save her from suffering a painful death. When I arrived he was still struggling with his concience over her death and guilt about his feelings for you. He came to me and I told him to enjoy the fact that he had you and Saphire in his life and assured him that this girl's death by injection was a necessary evil as the alternative was to have let her die slowly and painfully. He told me he had left while she was still alive and her screams filled his nightmares. Danny didn't want you to know because he feared you would look at him differently if you knew he had killed the one person he cared about most," Book explained with a neutral voice, obviously carefully considering what to tell her.
Lou was sat with tears in her eyes.
"We could have given her a proper funeral," she said.
"I went with Danny to plant the rose. He let me say a few words then," Book smiled.
Lou sat supporting her head in her hands thinking for a moment.
"So when Danny said he'd wanted to find a homestead, he'd ment to find it with her?" Lou asked after a while.
"I believe so," the old Shepherd nodded.
"He should have told me," Lou whispered.
"He should, but he never did," Book smiled warmly.
Lou wiped tears from her cheeks.
"I think we need to bury her properly. If Danny loved her, she should have as much," Lou nodded to herself.
She felt deceived and hollow, but still was not able to find any resentment. Danny had tried to save the woman he loved. He had left Duggar for her safety, lost her and found Lou instead. Lou looked out at her daughter out in the garden and felt a sudden gratitude. Danny's choices had given Lou her family.

Lou told Mal what Book had said and together they decided to bury her next to Danny. The next day Shepherd Book held a simple ceremony and as they stood there, Lou felt sad for her husbands secrecy, while at the same time the ceremony helped her let him and all negativity towards him go. She was no longer bound to him. Duggar was dead and her daughters were safe. Danny was no longer a presence in her life. It was time to let the past stay in the past.

She was sat in her kitchen after the funeral when Mal came in.
"You are a very generous person," he stated.
"How so?" Lou asked.
"Not all would have accepted the past so easily," Mal said.
"Danny is dead. I have no rights to judge what he did before we met," she said.
"And now you can move on, " Mal replied.
"Or stay behind," Lou smiled sadly thinking of the emptiness she would face once Serenity left.
Mal sat down and looked at her with a clever look on his face.
"Inara is staying at the temple, Book is going to Haven on the first bus. If you say the word I'll loose another one of my crew," Mal said.
"You overestimate my influence," Lou smiled.
"You think so?" Mal asked lifting an eyebrow.
"Well... Inara was allready going before I came onboard. Book does his own thing as long as he has souls to save and I've asked River to stay, but she said she'll go with you," Lou shrugged.
"I wasn't talking about River," Mal grinned.
Lou felt a bush spread.
"Not gonna happen," she said shaking her head.
"Not my business," Mal stated with a wink.
"You'll leave with a full crew minus a cook, captain, " Lou smiled.
"If that's what you want," Mal replied giving her the feeling he was not talking about the cook job.
"It's the best for all," she said.
"Then I suggest you make the most of the next week. Life is too short for maybe's," Mal said and left.
Lou sat with a smile on her face. She didn't like the idea of staying put while everybody moved on. She had lost her mother, Danny, her girls and her faith in humanity over the last few years and although she had her daughters back, the thought of letting Serenity leave without her was tearing her apart.

Lou went out to prepare the firepit for another bonfire when she heard heavy footsteps approach her from.
"Are you gonna look this kinda miserable when I'm gone too?" Jayne asked with a sly smirk leaning on her woodpile.
"Probably gonna bawl my eyes out," Lou replied with a dry laugh.
"I'll hold you to it!" He said.
Lou turned around with a quirky smile.
"How the hell are you gonna hold me to anything if you're dead?" She asked.
"Good job I ain't planning on dying any time soon then," he said.
Lou studied him for a moment trying to gage his mood.
"I'm gonna miss you," she said.
"Good!" He grinned and released his grip around her.
Lou huffed as he left with a cocky grin on his face.
"Still not getting anything out of him?" Lou heard Kaylee teasing behind her.
"What's with the men on Serenity? Hopeless bunch of string-alongs!" Lou said.
"Maybe you have to make the first move?" Kaylee asked.
"I thought I had made all the moves by now," Lou smiled.
"He's a show, not a tell, kinda guy... I don't think talk will get you anywhere," Kaylee giggled.
Lou raised an eyebrow.
"Right back at'cha," she grinned getting a wide smile back.
"I am really happy I walked onboard Serenity that day, you know. I just don't know what to do once y'all are gone," Lou said suddenly serious.
Kaylee gave her a hug.
"So action rather than words, huh?" Lou grinned.
Kaylee nodded back with a very cheeky grin.

The gang were stood around the corral taking turns learning to ride horses. Russ and Joseph acted as teachers while Buffy and Willow had taken Saphire and Brooke to visit some neighbourhood kids.
River was in the corral dancing next to the horses, apparently lost in the rythm of the big animals.
Lou stood off to the side next to Jayne. He was close enough for her to smell him through the scent of horses.
"Wanna try?" Lou asked the man next to her.
"Nah. I ain't settin foot in no stirrup," Jayne muttered.
"You don't like horses then?" Lou asked.
"Don't mind the horses as much as the riding part," he said.
"Shame. I was gonna suggest a bareback ride, just you and me later," Lou smiled with her tounge firmly lodged in her cheek trying to keep the dirtiest grin of her life off her face. Slowly she counted the seconds waiting for him to catch up.
Confused he looked at her.
"Did you just...?" He started but ended up staring at her with his jaw slack.
"Close that pretty mouth of yours. You're gonna catch flies," Lou grinned before bursting into laughter.
"I swear. You'll be the death of me, woman," he muttered.
Lou studied him with a teasing smile.
"Even more of a reason to make the most of you while I can," she giggled.
He took a few moments, scratching his head.
"There's nobody in the house," Lou grinned avoiding looking at him from fear of giggling like a schoolgirl.
"As in right now?" He asked.
"I'll be in my room," Lou said pushing herself away from the corral fence, turning to go with a big smile on her face.
As she walked to the house she struggled not to laugh while having to focus to avoid looking over her shoulder to see if he was following.
About two seconds after she had entered her bedroom he burst through the door, slammed it shut and turned the key. She hardly had time to look at him before he grabbed hold of her and pushed her up against the wall with a kiss that seemed to remove the rest of the world from around them. There was only him, his breath and an overwhelming urge to become one with his heartbeat.