So Wrong, It's Right (Louis)

Chapter 22

We were both extremely nervous, my mum and I, as we waited for the man who turned us into fearful creatures to arrive. My mum rang him up and asked him if he was available to come over and have a serious chat. I have no idea if he knows that he's just coming around to get kicked out all over again. This time, at least I hoped, it would be permanent.  

I haven't a single clue if my mum ever wants to see him again once the divorce papers are signed and then delivered. Personally, I think she's better off with having no contact with him again. Maybe a part of her wants to find a way to reconnect with whatever man she fell in love with. He never really existed to me. 

For me, the answer is pretty simple. It probably seems extremely harsh that I would just make this person not exist to me but I think I'm better off if I never had a reminder that he was the man I had to look up to when I was growing up. He's the poorest example of a man. I was ready to watch the real him leave us for good. 

As we sat at the kitchen table, our hands firmly grasping one another's for comfort and support, I could hear my mum's struggled breaths come out as sniffles. She was trying not to let this get the best of her. She was trying not to cry. I never enjoyed hearing that sound but maybe if crying can help her heal and let go of all of the pain she silenced. Maybe I should cry to for the same reasons. We didn't have to hide from him anymore. We shouldn't have had to in the first place. 

"It's gonna be okay, mum. You can do this." I said to her carefully because it was hard not to remind her that her marriage was really going to be over now. 

She decided to go through with the divorce after taking her time to think everything, and I mean everything, over dozens of times. She's been on the phone with her sisters, mum, sister-in-law, mum-in-law, friends, pretty much anyone she could turn to in her time of sadness. After all of those countless conversations on the phone she turned to me last to tell me her decision and reasonings behind it. 

My mum started by telling me that none of this was my fault. Getting expelled for bullying wasn't the reason her marriage wasn't working out any longer. It's been over way before then. When I was younger, my father seemed to have lost the heart that he had and my mum tried her best to try and find that in him until she realised it was never there in the first place. Everything just built up between them for so long and she was just afraid at dropping this news at the wrong time. It would never have been wrong because she could have saved herself at any moment. I would have been saved too and she wanted to protect me but she never knew how to. 

I learned to protect myself and it was in one of the worst ways possible. I needed to learn a new and better way. We could learn that together, I think.

When the door opened my mum and I locked eyes and squeezed each others hands again, bracing ourselves for whoever he was going to be this time and that we'd be able to stand tall against him. 

"Jay? Louis?" His voice called out to us. It wasn't angry like I was used to. 

"In the kitchen." My mum replied, her voice staying in one tone that made her sound like she was hardened like stone that he couldn't make cracks in anymore. 

I looked down to the surface of the table as I heard his soft footsteps. I didn't really know how I was going to react when I saw his face again. I know that he's going to be gone for good so maybe I'd be able to look him in the eyes and get to see as things get taken away from him. 

"Jay," he began, his voice careful.

She let out a sigh and that's when I allowed myself to look up. I could hide when I was supposed to be helping my mum through this. I wasn't going to be the silent one for her. She wasn't alone in this.