Butterfly - BTS

Chapter Twelve

Even though Hoseok hadn't had nightmares in weeks, I still instinctively watched over him as he slept. Before, he had been optimistic and cheery, though terribly emotionally fragile. He didn't show it much, but when he got upset, he got really upset.

Hoseok wasn't optimistic nor cheery anymore, but he was still fragile. I wanted to protect him best I could from his troubles, so if he was suffering in his sleep, I could wake him up. Call it a motherly instinct, but I felt inclined to take care of my dongsaengs.

So I watched as he took a nap in the early afternoon. It was cloudy outside, but sun was still filtering through the clouds, creating a bright off-white sky. It was the type of sky in which you walked outside and had to squint and cover your eyes because the bright clouds made the light so much brighter.

Hoseok slept in his bed, and I sat on my bunk, watching over him like a guardian angel. Namjoon was locked in his own room, and Taehyung was in the living room. We didn't speak or interact that much anymore; we were like a broken family. It was silent most of the time, and I think that we were all afraid of each other. Afraid of who would go next. Did we distance ourselves because we didn't want to get too close when the next death came? Were we expecting another death?

"Hobi-ah, do you know where the hope is?" I asked softly. "I think we've lost it."

His eyes remained closed, and I sighed. He continued to sleep peacefully, and I envied his ability to shut out the terrible world. His resting face was borderline angelic, and I pressed my lips together.

All of a sudden, Hoseok jolted awake, his eyelids flying open. A scream erupted from his mouth, and I shouted in surprise as well. He sat up, pure fear in his eyes, as my heartbeat gradually slowed down.

"Wh-What's wrong?" After recovering from my shock, I quickly rushed over to his side. "Are you okay?"

Hoseok's eyes slowly welled up with tears. "I had another nightmare," he whispered, his cheeks glistening with fresh trails of tears. "I saw him again, Seokjin. I saw him in flames."

"It's okay, it's okay," I murmured, patting his shoulder. "It's all fine now."

"But..." He looked up, and I saw everything. The emotional trauma, the broken sanity, the sheer terror. He was in worse shape than I had thought. Every thought in his mind was frayed with stress and heartbreak, and I felt tears develop in my own eyes. I would gladly take the pain away from his heart, but I couldn't. "The nightmares had stopped. Why are they back to haunt me?"

"I don't know, Hoseok," I replied honestly. "I'm sorry. I'm here for you, though."

"Thanks," he mumbled, lying back down. "I think I just need to be left alone with my thoughts for a while. I need to think."

Hoseok shut his wet eyes, and I nodded solemnly. He wanted to cry, but he wanted to be left alone so that he could drown in every drop of his misery, and I would respect that. I stepped out of the bedroom and shut the door behind me.

Taehyung looked up from his spot on the couch.

"I heard the scream," he stated. "Are Hoseok's nightmares back?"

"Yeah." I collapsed onto the seat next to Taehyung's and sighed loudly. "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know," Taehyung replied sadly. "I think we're done for."

"Now, don't say th-"

"It's all over, Seokjin!" Taehyung snapped, his lips trembling. "We're all going to die because of this stupid chain reaction!"

I remained silent for a moment.

"If this is a chain reaction," I finally said, "then why can't one of us just break it?"