Sad and Mad

m

part twelve.

LOU

i guess i was considered one of those sappy girls who would wonder in amazement at the stars and suck in their breath when they saw a flower bloom.

it's okay, because that's who i was. that's who i embraced myself as.

i can remember his brown hair, his gentle eyes, the freckles across his cheeks and the mole behind his left ear. i hope he remembers my black locks, my abnormally pale skin, and my ragged scars on my wrists.

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the day after my releasing of fire, i awoke in a familiar hospital room. i was familiar of the green beds and blue ceilings.

"lucy?"

a fragile and scared voice said quietly, holding his hands by his sides and widening his eyes at me.

during my manic phase, i realize i burned down my living room, my parent's brand new house's living room. i'm so sorry, parents.

and i also know i was entranced by the fire, and for some stupid reason stayed sitting on the living room floor, letting the flames engulf me until my father jumped into the living room and saved me while my mother called an ambulance.

i know i've got second and third degree burns slashed across my body, the ones on my face and back hurting the most.

i understand also that my boyfriend nic was waiting in the hospital room for two nights without eating or interacting with anyone, and that i ruined christmas for everyone.

"nic." i stated, trying hard not to move my lips much.

he walked closer to my bed and tried holding my hands, but they had burns on them so he just stroked a fingernail. "were you depressed before this happened? is that why you texted me you had to leave? did you even help your mom with dinner? was the note a suicide note?"

he stopped himself and apologized. "i'm sorry, i know you shouldn't be under stress. i've just been so worried about you, i love you, lucy."

i couldn't say much, but i certainly tried. "i love you nic."

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NKW

she was still recovering from the major burns, but her face and hands and arms were healed, for the most part.

it would only be a few more weeks that she should be stuck in the hospital, but i was forced to return to school.

the gossip around the small christian school was unbelievable.

"did you hear she tried setting the house on fire?"

"yeah, she ruined her parent's christmas!"

"the nerve that girl has!!"

johnny, tyler, penny, cooper, julia, calum, and my other friends stuck with me through these tough times. they sat with me at lunch and comforted my sorrows. they understood the love lucy and i had.

in drama class, my teacher spoke out.

"our fellow friend, lucy, is in the hospital at the moment. i've got a hallmark card with a kitty on the front that i would like everyone to sign."

while everyone was signing the card, i was stuck in thought wondering why the hell people think a silly card that lucy couldn't even hold with her own hands would make her feel better. why were people whispering about her behind her back and saying her father was a bad surgeon and that her arms are ugly, because they weren't, they aren't, and she's beautiful.

because drama is the last period of the day, i dashed out of class and ran all the way to the hospital, which wasn't far seeing as humming mills is after all a small town, and i walked up to her room and i watched her crying and i didn't bother walking into her room. i just listened to her silently in the hospital hallway as she sobbed herself to sleep. i sat there, in the purple plastic chair, waiting for my girlfriend to get better.

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shit only two chapters left wtf did i do

i used the snapchat update and took a selfie and the picture is my outcome...we shall never speak of this again