Mend Me? ➸ hemmings a.u

22. Don't

A/N: it's been a hectic year and I'm in the middle of my final exams. In a few weeks I'll be DONE with highschool! I've also reached 10m reads on my preferences, which is utterly insane. If anyone at all is still reading, I hope you like this update x

"Don't do this, Luke," I sobbed. My chest was exhausted from all the crying, I was surprised I still had the strength to breathe. He was silent. I was too afraid to take a step forward, I was too afraid to move. His eyes reflected the moonlight, and I held my breath as I saw him open his mouth. "You know I can't live like this, not after what I did." He took a step backwards. "Stop! Yes, yes you can. I can help you, Michael can help you. We're here for you. We can fix this, we can mend you!" My brain struggled to find more words. To find more words to stall, find more words to distract him, find more words to stop him. "It's too late..."

***

I stared blankly at Michael, my brain failing to process his words. Luke's confession had rendered me emotionless and thoughtless. I wish I could tell you what I was thinking, but there were no coherent thoughts at that stage. My mind must have shut down in order to preserve my sanity. I was unable to form words. In fact, I was surprised I even had the strength to stay upright. What I would've done to be in any other dimension, any dimension but this one. All those times I cursed other dimension Ava, this time I envied her.

"Are you coming with me or not?" Michael asked, wiping away tears with his sleeve. I swallowed, feeling a painful lump in my throat. "We can't tell," I shook my head adamantly. "You're insane, absolutely insane," he rested his head on the steering wheel. My hands balled into tight fists, my nails digging into my palms like daggers. "You want to tell the police he killed her? You want to ruin his life?" I gritted my teeth. He was silent.

I opened the car door and sat next to him. "He murdered someone, Ava, can you not comprehend this?" He looked up, and his eyes bore into mine, practically begging me to understand. "We don't even know that, we don't know for sure," I argued. "He confessed, Ava! He told you in agonising detail. What other option do you think there is?" He raised his voice, but the painful strain on his throat was audible.

I paused, pursing my lips. "Forget, and help him," I decided. "Get out of the car," he mumbled quietly. "You know he's a good person. You know why he did this. It's Luke, Mikey. It's Luke," I reminded him. "It's not Luke. He's lost it, and I can't help him. You can't help him. There's no other choice." He nodded sharply, as if the decision he'd just made in his head was final. I did nothing but watch as his knuckles turned white, his hands gripping the steering wheel with all their strength.

I sat in silence as Michael drove in the direction of the police station. I watched him focus on the road in front of him. I summoned up the courage to speak. "You can't do this," I whispered. He remained a statue, eyes fixed on one solid position. "Listen to me Michael, think about what you're doing." Still nothing. "Can we go to your place first?" I suggested, trying anything to grab his attention. He sighed, "to do what?" He snapped, "prolong the inevitable?" I placed my hand on his shoulder warily. "I want to talk," I told him. I felt his shoulders relax, but the stone cold expression on his face remained as he pulled over. "What do you want to talk about?" I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him everything. I wanted to spill all my thoughts, so they wouldn't be trapped inside the prison I'd built in my mind, but my lips couldn't find any words to form.

There were a million things I needed to say. I felt my lungs swell, as if they would explode if I kept my composure any longer. My eyes welled with tears, and Michael's face in front of me became distorted. I needed to see him, I needed to know there was still some form of sanity and normality left. I reached out to grab his hand. I felt him grip it tightly.

"I'm scared," I whispered. I heard his breath hitch, and felt him pull me into his chest. His arms wrapped around my back, gripping me as if I'd disappear at any moment. "Me too, Ava. I don't want you to get hurt," he whispered in my ear. I was already hurt. So was he. It was always me comforting him, or him comforting me. We'd never both been hurting so terribly together. I concentrated on the thumping of his heart, pretending it was the only thing in the universe. My breaths started to even, and I closed my eyes. "I'd go insane right now if you weren't here," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Ava," his voice was completely broken. "Remember when," I felt him smile. "Remember when I made you that bracelet?" I couldn't help but smile. "Mhmm," I murmured. "It was the ugliest thing, but you still wore it, everyday, for like a month," he chuckled. "I thought it was pretty," I lied. It was hideous. "I remember hugging you like this when you lost it," he started rubbing circles over my back. "I was determined to wear it forever," I recalled. I pulled back from his embrace. "Why?" He asked. "You said it was for good luck, and that if I lost it I'd be cursed," I bit my lip to hold in the laughter. "Seems like it worked," he commented, and the reality of the situation hit me again like a tidal wave.

I fell back against my seat and shut my eyes tightly. A moment later the engine growled. "I'll take us back to my place," he said calmly. "Thank you," I responded.

I tried to use my drawer technique. To file everything into its organised folders and deal with my emotions one by one, but the drawers were non existent. My thoughts were as scattered as the stars in the galaxy. If only they were as beautiful. My mind replayed the scenes Luke recounted over and over. It was a never ending loop. To me these two entities were completely separate. The Luke who I watched smile at a dog on our bus ride together, the Luke that invited me to his secret Terabithia. That felt like an eternity ago. This Luke, he was a stranger.

My mind started to drift. I'd almost forgotten about the world, and was about to enter another when my phone startled me wide awake. It was Luke. I picked it up immediately, and heard frantic breathing. Michael was now staring at me intently. "Ava?" It was his mum. "Yes? What's wrong?" I sat up and Michael joined me on the bed. "It's Luke, I can't find him. Is he with you?" She asked desperately. "No," I answered quickly. "He's not here," I saw Michael's eyes widen as he started to understand the situation. "God, I don't know where he is," she cried. I paused for a moment. "I...I have an idea, I'll call you back," I hung up and headed towards the front door. "Ava, where are you going?" Michael called. "Just follow me."

A/N: I'm sure you can guess where he is! Thanks for reading my lovelies xx