Make You Believe [Jerrie]

Chapter 9

Perrie keeps her hands on her as she leads her over to her childhood bed, gently laying her down and sliding in next to her, kissing her tears away. Jade tries her best to stop crying, but she can't quite do so.

"You're okay, shh, just cuddle me right now, yeah? Tell me what I can do." Perrie says, pecking her on the lips before curling her into her chest.

"I don't know." Jade sniffles. "Like, it's kind of better and worse than I thought, and that doesn't even make fucking sense-"

"Hey, it does make sense, honey. Talk to me, tell me how it's better and how it's worse." Perrie coaches, reaching up to softly run her fingers though her hair.

"It's, I don't know. I thought it'd be scarier, but instead it's just, like, sad. I'm sad." Jade says, rather inarticulately. She knows it sounds stupid, but it's the truth.

"Why, Jadey? I mean, you don't have to tell me, I'm just trying to understand so I can help you better." Perrie tells her, lips against her forehead.

"It's, like, I thought I'd be panicking, like, worried he'd come in and hurt me again, but I'm more rational than that, and I'm just, I'm just really sad that he did all those things, and ruined everything, and seeing everything in here, seeing the things I saw while he was fucking me, it just, I'm just so sad." Jade tries to explain, tears streaming once more.

"Do you want to leave?" Perrie asks, pulling back to meet her eyes.

"No, that would be giving up." Jade says with a huff of frustration. She's not sure why she's reacting like this, why she feels so much misery all at once.

"It wouldn't be giving up sweetie, it'd be not being able to handle this. And that's okay." Perrie goes on, kissing her once again, though she can't respond, too upset.

"No, I. I want to try, it's just," Jade stutters, trying to wipe at her cheeks with trembling fingers. "It's overwhelmingly...I don't know. I feel like I did after he'd leave."

"And how's that?" Perrie questions, ducking her head to make Jade look at her.

"Like...like I want to disappear." Jade shivers, feeling it all at once. "Like I want to die. I mean, I don't, but, I do? Fuck, I don't make sense."

Perrie takes a visibly shaky breath, composing herself in order to say "Oh, shh, you do, you do make sense. Keep talking; tell me what else you feel."

"I just hated him so much, hate him so much, but at the same time, it seemed like he was right and I was wrong, like, he told me to be better, so I'd try, and it was never enough, I was never enough." Jade sobs, burrowing into Perrie's neck once again as the younger girl hugs her closer, rubs circles into her back.

"That's because you weren't doing anything wrong, he was just saying that as an excuse. What that horrible man did was rape you, Jade, and he did it for his own disgusting pleasure." Perrie tells her. "You, you were perfect. It wasn't a punishment, because you'd done nothing wrong."

"Uhuh?" Jade whimpers, wetting Perrie's skin.

"Yes, babe. You did nothing wrong, and you were so brave to fight through that, so strong to keep going. And now you're getting better, and that's so amazing, you're so amazing. And just being in this room right now, this house even, that's incredible, and I'm so proud of you, you're so good, you were never in the wrong, fuck." Perrie says fiercely, choking up and having to pause to recollect herself. "I love you, okay? You're perfect and you're going to be okay."

Jade clings closer, struggling to get her words out. "I love you too, I need you, I just, I don't even know, I just need, like, you usually know what I need, because I don't, I don't know right now."