INTERNET SUPPORT GROUP (PHAN)

Chapter 14: Home

Phil
There's now 4 of us in our house which is weird. I'm used to the sound of Dan walking round the apartment, but there's also Troye and Tyler too. There're staying till Tyler goes, which will be fun I guess. Dan was allowed home yesterday after a week in the hospital. He made a speedy recovery but had a cast on so he needs to take it easy. He's sleeping in my room for now.

Right now I'm on my phone, it's still really early. Like 5am. I'm not sure why I'm awake, I'm still really edgy. I keep getting flashbacks of him laying there on the road. I'm still full of guilt but he insists its okay. I'm still not sure.

There's a shuffle from outside the door, I lean up slightly to see Tyler open the door a creak. Cold air gushes in and I began to shiver.
"I can't sleep" he whispered yelled. I laughed softly, my tongue poking out slightly. He waved his hands around, gesturing me to come out. I rolled my eyes and slipped out of bed, making sure not to wake Dan or Troye. I jumped on the sofa and Tyler followed behind.
"Ugh I feel all weird. Like I can't sleep I can't eat. I want to do something, but I don't know" Tyler sighed.
"I get ya. Dan feels like that a lot. He wants to do something. Anything, but at that current time he's just there. Barely existing. It's the start of an existential crisis. Good luck Ty" he groaned again.
"Thanks Phil" he spoke sarcastically "is there anything I can do?"
"Nope. Sorry. Once you go into that state, there's no coming out for a while. I'll tidy up the existential crisis hallway for ya" I laughed. He punched my arm softly, cussing too. I decide to put on an anime but halfway through it my eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep on the sofa.

When I woke up, dan was sat next to me, with a bowl of cereal on his lap.
"Morning beautiful" he whispers softly, stroking my cheek. I smile and sit up, relieving the cramp in my back. I let out a small groan as I stretch. Dan looks so perfect in the morning, his voice slightly husky and his morning scent still lingering in the air. This is why I love sleeping with him.
"Ty and Troye have gone to the shop. We ran out of milk" I nodded and walked around the living room, yawning. The time read 11:27
Outside it was lightly raining and the sun was blaring, which was unusual for an October morning. I heard the door opening and sniggers from Ty and Troye. Both of them stumble in red face and breathless.
"What are you two laughing at" I call from the landing, looking down on them. They look at each other then up at me. Tyler flushes a deeper shade of red
"er nothing" he giggles. I put my hand on my hip "spill"
They both snigger again "okay we got caught having a cheeky fûck" I slap my hand over my mouth and squeal
"You morons" I laugh. I can here dan in fits of laughter from the living room
"Yeah well at least I wasn't late to pick my friend up from the airport because I decided to fûck my boyfriend and leave the lube in the car" Ty sang, running upstairs. Troye snorted with laughter and they both ran into my room, probably to finish what they started. I shudder before calling out "don't mess up my sheets"

They was no reply so I darted back into the lounge. Dan was bright red from laughing and I pecked his lips. He pulled me closer for a more passionate kiss. Ahh how I had missed these. Unfortunately we couldn't do anything could of Dan's cast so I pulled away before things got too heated. He playfully pouted before smiling "I love you"
"I love you too Dan"
"No Phil I mean it. I love you so much. I'm so in love with you it hurts. Do you feel the same way?" His voice cracked slightly, he looked so sad.
"Dan of course I feel the same way. I will always love you"
He sighed quietly "I know I just" he paused "I just sometimes doubt it. It's not you its just I can't believe all this is happening. You know? This all so surreal. Not just being with you, but all of it. YouTube, the book, the radio show, the friends I've made. I feel like it don't deserve any of it" he whispered the last bit. Like he was afraid to admit it. It was like I was I was teleported back to 2009 when he was so very sad. Those were the times he laughed the hardest too, maybe because it was because he was acting or maybe because he was still young then. He's a man now and it hurt to see him like this.
"What's brought this on Dan?" I said sitting beside him. He put his head in his hands shaking his head too. "I-i don't know Phil. This is worse than any existential crisis in had. It's like old times. I don't want to go back to old times Phil. I'm happy now... with you" he was crying now. I engulfed him into a hug, rubbing his back "Dan I will make sure you don't go back to old times okay? It'll be what's just happened. I'm sorry Dan" he shook his head again "it's not your fault... I didn't want you to die."
I stood up in protest "yes but you could've died. I have flashbacks every night seeing you on the ground covered in blood. You could've died and it was my fault" I was shouting now. I didn't mean to shout. Tears fell from my face and I heard a noise behind me. I could tell it was Tyler. I didn't want to turn round, I didn't want to look at Dan so I sank to the floor and sobbed. I felt Tyler wrap his arms around me attempting to calm me down but the thing I heard was the screams of Dan on that dreaded night.

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I think this is my longest chapter yet. I have been slowly editing it and I'm super happy with it. Enjoy my emo beans