The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

Fatty Acids

There was only one place where Derp, the sister from the attic, could've gone. Poot drove to the Los Angeles Airport (yep, she still had the car she had stolen from Niall after killing him years before), and took the first plane to Copenhagen, Derpmark.

On the airplane, she drank a lot of exquisite wines and ate various Danish delicacies containing several fatty acids. When she landed, she stole a bike and went around the city looking for her duckfaced sister. The hours went by, and no sign of Derp. Maybe she just went to Derplaware? Nah, she wasn't smart enough to know that it existed.

Poot had lost all her hopes. She sat down on a bench in a park and stared at the small lake in front of her. And suddenly... there she was. With the other ducks. Derp was making duck noises and swimming in the lake! Poot got closer to kidnap her and murder her, but Derp saw her and ordered the ducks to attack her.

The ducks were ready to fight Poot, when suddenly they saw a famous French chef behind her. Needless to say, they all flew away. The chef came closer to the lake, kidnapped Derp and took her away. Then, he served some canard à l'orange to his restaurant's guests, getting praise and applauses from everyone. "Derp tastes good," Poot thought to herself. "Her breast is delectable!"

Poot was so satisfied with her heroic actions that she decided to go visit the country where her biggest fans lived, so she took the first flight to Warsaw, Pootland.

But when she arrived there, she found a horrible surprise. A huge sign said: "Welcome to Taylor Nation!" There were pictures of Taylor Swift everywhere, and several posters with the Ten Commandments written on them:

1. You shall buy no other albums before 1989.

2. You shall not make idols that are not called Taylor.

3. You shall not take the name of TayLord your God in vain.

4. Remember December 13, to keep it holy.

5. Honor your copies of Speak Now and Fearless.

6. You shall not murder your ears with Katy Perry music.

7. You shall not commit adultery, otherwise you'll be exposed in a song.

8. You shall not use Spotify.

9. You shall not bear forged Taylor Swift™ products.

10. You shall not covet Taylor's commercial success.

Poot walked around the streets. Everything was clean, it was like being in wonderland. People came out of the woods in style and, despite having some bad blood with eachother, they shook it off, leaving a blank space on their deathnote. It all seemed like a wildest dream. "Everything has changed here since the last time I came when I was 22," Poot thought to herself. The girl didn't feel at home in that place, so she decided to leave as soon as possible.

Poot was shocked. Her biggest fan base had abandoned her, but at least she still had Finland. Scared for her life and worried about her poor weave in Warsaw, Poot decided to go eat something. She was feeling Hungary... so she went to Budapest.