A Guide to Being Super

Rule #3

Rule #3: Only wear tights if you can pull them off (not everyone can). Tights and/or some kind or spandex are a staple in the superhero outfit. Other than stopping bad guys (I'll cover that more later) and getting the girl (I'll also talk about later), it's what we're known for. But don't be tricked, not everyone can pull these things off. Don't just follow the superhero crowd, we're not always the smartest bunch, look for what works for you. That way you won't look like an idiot (or like someone completely different) in your comic books. It's all about the aesthetics, people.

Like all of Dan's plans, his plan to "convince me that I'm wasting my potential" or whatever (let me ask you, genius, how could I have been wasting my potential when I had only had my powers for like a day) wasn't entirely thought out. It also wasn't entirely rational, logical, or encouraging in any way.

As much as I hated to be there, watching him try to convince me to change my entire life gave me a whole new insight into Dan and it wasn't pretty. Everything did screamed out "THIS IS WHY I'M A HERO THAT CAN'T DEFEAT HIS VILLAIN." Or, at a particularly bad moment, "THIS IS WHY I'M SAD AND ALONE AND HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO MENTOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE MENTORED."

Sure, you (and Rachel) can say that I only thought this because I was (and am) an asshole who is too stubborn to change his opinion about people. But you weren't there and Rachel's opinion doesn't count so just shut up already. Did I ask for your opinion? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway, Dan's great idea was to take me to the superhero meeting that was going on the next night (yes, they do hold meetings, more on that mess later). So instead of suffering through school (remember, my mom didn't believe that me BEING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING BY A STUPID SUPERHERO was enough for me to miss any school) and taking a nap as soon as I got home, I got to go to school and then go straight to Dan's lair to get ready for the meeting. Rachel, who's a Grade A flake, decided that she couldn't go. I guess she had some test or something the next morning. Apparently it mattered that everyone but me had a good night's sleep.

Even better, the meeting wouldn't start until late to allow superheroes with demanding day jobs (don't even get me started on that) to make it. And who knew how long the meeting could take. That meant I would have TWO sleepless nights under my belt and I STILL had to go to school Tuesday morning. Life was completely unfair.

(I'm sorry for all my uses of the "caps lock" button. This whole thing still pisses me off and it's my only form of relief. I guess I could smash my computer but that just seems ridiculous, not to mention expensive. Besides, if I smash my computer, how will you all be graced with my wonderful, may I even say life changing, words?)

There really wasn't anything I needed to do to get ready for the meeting. According to Dan, all I had to do was show up and be convinced. But for some reason, Dan wanted me there while he got ready (I guess the heroes went all out uniform/costume-wise when it came to these monthly meetings). Supposedly he wanted to prep me for the meeting by telling me little tidbits about the heroes I would meet and how their system ran, but he just ended up rambling on and on, showing exactly how nervous he was. The guy should seriously have a prescription for Valium or something.

Anyway, when Dan was finally ready he insisted that we take his car (apparently he was smart enough to hide his car in an underground garage) instead of letting me fly. I guess my flying was too "unpredictable" and "dangerous" for him to trust me to fly there. And he didn't want me to know the location of the meeting, that too. Like I wouldn't figure it out from, you know, DRIVING THERE (again, sorry about the all caps thing).

The meeting itself was held in some office building. Think the building Dunder Mifflin was in in The Office. Just a regular ol' building with a bunch of freaks in it.