Clean ⇔ Cashton ✓

The Truth Is Spelt Out In Your Eyes

A/N: Clean got first place in the 5sos awards from a little while ago!! Thank you so much to everyone who voted for me. it means the world and I love you

CALUM

The more I spend time with Ashton, the more I realize there couldn't be two more different people than Ashton and Luke.

Everything about living with Ashton is different than living with Luke. For one, Ashton enjoys getting up in the morning and cooking breakfast, which Luke would never in a million years do. Ashton is also always very optimistic, a smile on his face no matter what and arms that are always ready for a hug. Seeing Luke smile and laugh wasn't exactly an everyday occurrence. Luke also never let me cuddle with him while we were sleeping. He just never liked it. Ashton, however, automatically lets me tuck myself into his frame without question.

I haven't seen Luke in about a month, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I can still vividly remember everything about him, his electric blue eyes and charming smile, the way he walked and the way he introduced himself to authorities. I still remember the way his lip ring felt cold against my skin whenever he kissed me, and I remember the feeling I got in my chest whenever he complimented me.

But I also remember the force in his fist whenever he punched my jaw and gave my  a black eye for weeks. I still remember the way his voice carried through the house whenever he raised it, and I remember the faint tug on the necklace around my neck whenever I did something he didn't like. I remember both the good and bad parts of Luke.

Now that I've put distance between us and I am no longer stuck to his side like we were stitched together, I can feel the connection between us fading into nothingness. When he threw the glass vase at me and it shattered against the wall as Ashton dragged me out of the house, I was devastated, because my entire body still bloomed with love for him. I had loved him for five years straight, and I figured I would keep loving him forever.

But now that I've had this taste of freedom and happiness on my skin, and now that I haven't had to see his familiar face in a while, I realized that my love for him has faded immensely. I'm not sure whether I was in love with him, or if I was in love with the idea of him.

I don't regret leaving as much as I thought I would. It's odd not having to watch what I say all the time, and to be able to not worry about hiding any fresh bruises on my skin, but it's also relieving in a way that I never thought it would be.

Ashton has had his mum come to his house and check up on me, considering Luke made us leave the hospital early. She checked on my concussion, making sure it hadn't gotten worse, and then made sure everything else was healing. She and Ashton were shocked at the number of bruises still littering my skin, and Ashton's eyes filled with tears before he turned away so I wouldn't see them drop down his cheeks.

Seeing Ashton's reaction and his mother's concerned glances was a reality check, the realization that relationships aren't supposed to cause bruises like mine. Something I definitely didn't know while I was still under Luke's hold.

During breakfast this morning, Ashton told me that he wants to go visit his family for the day. He told me that there's a firework show that the neighborhood puts on for fun, and he wants to take me to go meet them.

So I stand in my bedroom, shrugging on a jacket and fixing my hair in the mirror. It's started to grow out a little longer than Luke let it be, and I've grown to love it.

Once I slip on a pair of shoes and brush my teeth, I walk out into the hallway, seeing Ashton picking up his keys by the front door. He sees me and smiles.

"Are you ready?" he asks, and I nod. We walk out the door, heading towards Ashton's car, and I grow a bit nervous about spending the day with Ashton's family. I've already met Ashton's mother, but he told me about his two younger siblings, and I'm not sure what to expect from them. If they are anything like Ashton, then surely they would be kind, but that still doesn't stop my hands from shaking.