Clean ⇔ Cashton ✓

I Will Try To Fix You

A/N: the gif I'm laughing

ASHTON

I've imagined this moment probably a thousand times in my head, but now that it's happening, I have no idea what to do.

Calum sits in the passenger seat of my car, curled up against the window and hiding his face in his hands. His shoulders are shaking and a few sniffles leave him, and I'm not sure whether touching him would be comforting or annoying. So I sit in the driver's seat and drive to the other side of town where my house is, glancing at him occasionally and silently panicking.

After the whole scene with Luke, I brought Calum to my car and drove him away, but I wasn't expecting him to start sobbing right as we left. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.

My heart breaks for him. I know he put every ounce of courage left in his bones into the last few minutes, and now everything has shattered like glass around him, and he's stepping in the shards with bare feet.

I pull into my neighborhood, a group of run down houses that the Hemmings would probably spit at if they saw. I nervously drive until I get to my house, a small two bedroom house with red bricks, only one floor. And it's not like that one floor is that lovely either. I'm suddenly embarrassed as I park on the curb, looking at my yard, patches of dirt and overgrown weeds passing as grass.

Calum lifts his head when he feels the car stop, and I see teardrops stuck in his eyelashes.

"This is my house," I say lamely, and Calum looks at the building with an expressionless face. "I know it's not nice, but-- it's all I can afford right now."

Calum doesn't say anything, but he doesn't get out and start running away either, so I take it as a good sign. I pull out the keys and hop out of the truck, rounding the car and opening the door for Calum. He slowly gets out, looking as small as I've ever seen him as he wraps his arms around himself.

We start walking up to the front door, Calum occasionally bumping into me and mumbling apologies, and me saying "It's okay," way too many times and way too loud to be smooth. Once we get to the front door, I fumble with my keys to unlock it while Calum stands behind me, staring down at his feet. I open the door carefully, and I hold the door open as Calum walks inside.

I leave the lights off as to not irritate Calum's concussion, but I lift the blinds on the windows so enough light is filtered in to see where you are going.

"It's not very impressive, but..." I trail off, watching Calum look around with wide eyes. I shrug a little. "It's home."

It's not that my home isn't nice, because I think it is. But everything Calum has had has been extravagantly expensive and beautiful, and my house definitely doesn't quality for that. I have plain fabric-covered couches and bar stools I got for sale at some home store, and I have a flat-screen television that you would think is nice until you turn it on and realize it's got horrible quality and has to be years, many years old. And Calum certainly is not used to that.

But when I look to Calum, he's smiling. "I love it."

I blink. "Oh. Good. Good, I'm glad." I quickly dart forward and grab some cups and plates lying around, dumping them in the sink with red cheeks. The only people I've had over is my family, and I've never felt the need to clean up for them.

Calum sits down on the couch, tucking his knees under his chin. He looks sad and small and miserable, so I inch my way over to him. I sit down beside him, not too close to be uncomfortable, but close enough to let him know that I'm there, and I exhale heavily.

Calum blinks away some tears. "I still love him," he says. He wipes his eyes. "I don't want to. But I do."

I stay quiet, afraid of saying something wrong. Calum looks at me, big brown eyes shiny with tears. "I know you probably find that insane. But it's just-- Luke was the first person who gave me any attention. Ever. My family never did that, nobody from school ever did that. And then I met Luke, and he went out of his way to care for me, and--" he stops. "I still love him for that."