emotions (phan)

bonus: phil's flashback

tw//: blood

summary: this is when young phil was in a car crash with his family

"Are we almost there yet?" I asked, pulling out my earphones. My brother groaned.

"You've asked that fifty fucking times!"

"Martyn, watch your language!" Mother screamed at him, then turned to me. "Phil, we have at least an hour and a half left, so stop asking."

"Why couldn't I have just stayed at a friend's? I specifically said I didn't wanna go on this stupid trip, so why force me? If I wasn't here, you wouldn't have to hear my complaining!"

"Phil, we have been driving for five hours now," my father began. "We are not driving back just for you."

"Then drop me off here! Let me out of the car, I'll find a damn ride back home!"

"You are sixteen, Phil Lester, you are not going back home all by yourself!"

"Then I'll take Martyn with me!" I yelled.

"No you won't, I'm staying because I'm not a little selfish brat like you," Martyn spat. I shoved him.

"Shut up! I'm not a brat, you're the brat- acting all tough just because you're two years older! You aren't even out of high school, so stop pretending like you are!" I cried.

"I will when you stop being such a-"

I cut him off with a smack to the face, and my mother gasped.

"Phil, do not hit your brother!" Father scolded.

"Why not? He does it all the time to me!" I retorted.

"Fuck you! God, I really do wish you didn't go on this trip! Nobody wants you here anyway!"

"Martyn-"

He cut my mother off. "You are nothing but an ignorant, immature child with a bad attitude and an annoying personality. You wonder why you have no friends. Nobody wants to hang out with you because you're such a little bitch! I wish you weren't in this car as much as you do, Phil! I wish you were never fucking born!"

I shut my mouth. So did mum. And dad.

Mother leaned forward, head in her hands. Dad stayed stiff, his eyes on the road and hands tight around the wheel.

"Why can't I just leave then?" I whispered.

"Go ahead! Nobody's stopping you!" Martyn growled. I looked at him, then my parents who were still gazing at something else, then to my bags. I snatched them and undid my seatbelt, pulling my bags up to my shoulder.

"Philip Michael Lester, get back in your seat this instant!" Dad screeched.

"Are you crazy? You're gonna get your dad in a wreck! We are in a moving car, you will get seriously injured if you fall out!"

My eyes watered. "But isn't that what you want?" I murmured.

Mother shook her head. "No. No, I'd never want that. You're my son, I love you with all my heart. The same goes to Martyn. Why would I want you to get hurt?"

"I stress you out. I stress this family out. I make snarky comments, I don't listen, I give attitude, I don't pay attention at school- so why wouldn't you want something to happen to me? Maybe sew my mouth shut so I'll finally shut up?"

"That is nonsense, now sit down."

"No."

"Phil, sit down or I will stop this car and you won't be able to sit down once I'm done with you," my father threatened. "Now sit down. Right. Now."

"No."

"Phil-"

"No!" I swung my hand and reached for the door handle, pulling on it. The car door opened and I stuck my foot out, getting ready to jump. My father turned, his hands leaving the wheel to snatch me.

Mother turned to me, glaring. Dad yanked me down back to my seat and mother leaned over, snapping the seatbelt down. Martyn slammed the door shut. The car turned.

"There, now stay still!" Mum demanded.

Then we all turned to finally see what was in front of us. We were now in the wrong lane, with an 16-wheeler heading straight toward us.

"Dad, do something!" Martyn pleaded.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," mum repeated to herself, her body trembling in fear.

Dad pulled helplessly on the steering wheel. "It's jammed! When I moved, it got it stuck!"

"This is your fault! I hate you!" Martyn screamed.

"We'll be fine! Shield yourselves, okay? I love y-"

She was cut off when the vehicle kissed ours, and we screamed in terror as the car was crushed. The airbags popped out, hitting me in the arm. I hissed in pain, hearing a snap from the force of the hit.

The wheeler had hit us, and now we were spinning out of control. I yelped as the windows smashed and the glass pierced my arm, my family's blood covering the walls of our SUV.

"Mama!" I cried out, sobbing harder than I ever had before. Nobody replied. "Dad! Martyn!"

We crashed into a tree, and steam began to let off.

My eyes had been shut the whole time until now, my gaze on the wood we had hit. My ears were ringing, my heart pounding and my throat burning from screaming.

I could feel my own blood covering me like a blanket, my legs and arms bruised and scratches on my skin.

I tried to sit up but my seatbelt was stuck, so I just sat there and cried.

This is my fault, was the last thought on my head before I blacked out.