Caleb is already two weeks old.
It's crazy how fast time is going by. Even if it's only been two weeks.
He's a good baby, most of the time. He sleeps most of the day and only gets up once in the middle of the night. My mom helps me out a lot because of my incision. They said it'd take about six weeks to heal completely. I am definitely not getting pregnant again.
As for Ryan and I, I don't even know what is going on between us. We seemed okay at the hospital and after I came home, he's been a little distant. He's only come over twice to see Caleb and left after two hours. I don't know if he really meant what he said to Gerard. Or if he's just nervous about being a new dad. Well, I'm nervous too, but I can't run away from it. We aren't talking much either. The last call I got from him was three days ago, asking if Caleb needed anything. I told him to get a pack of diapers and I haven't spoken to him since. And he has yet to bring the diapers.
Mom's telling me not to worry about it. A lot of parents walk out on their kids and Caleb doesn't need a deadbeat like Ryan in his life, in her words. But Ryan is the father of my child and, even if he doesn't feel the same anymore, I love him. After everything we've been through and getting closer to each other, it's hard not to still have feelings for him. I'm just so confused right now and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It's taking everything I have in me not to pick up my phone and call him. But I want to talk to him so bad. I want to know what's going on, why he's avoiding Caleb and me. Why he's not showing any sign of wanting to be with us. It's not that I want to know, I need to know.
"Hey mom," I walked down the stairs with Caleb in my arms. I'm so careful doing anything anymore because of how tiny he is. I don't want to break him. Also because my incision still hurts. "could you keep an eye on him for a little bit? I need to call Spencer."
"You don't have to ask Brendon." She smiled and met me at the bottom of the stairs, took Caleb and walked back to the couch with him.
"Thanks." I slowly made my way back to my room and sat on my bed, dialing Spencer's number.
It rang and rang then went to voicemail.
So I tried again.
"Hello?" He asked tiredly.
"Hey, were you sleeping or something?"
"Yeah. What's up?"
"Sorry," I sighed. "I was just wondering if you or Jon has heard from Ryan at all?"
"He was just over at Jon's last night," he said, sounding a little more awake. "Jon said they were just hanging out and sneaking some of his dads beers and watching TV. Why, what's up?"
"He won't talk to me. I haven't seen him since last week and haven't talked to him for three days. Said he was gonna bring Caleb some diapers and he never showed up. I don't know what the hell is going on anymore." My eyes watered and I quickly wiped the tears away. "I don't know why he's acting like this."
"You know how he is." Spencer sighed. "I'll call Jon and see if he's still there. Call you back in a minute." He hung up the phone and I waited impatiently for his callback.
I kept looking at my phone, waiting and waiting and waiting. Then it vibrated in my hand.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Yeah, he's still there. But he's sleeping."
"Must be nice to sleep in." I huffed. "Well did Jon say anything else? Like about what he and Ryan talked about?"
"No. I only asked if Ryan was still there. Jon was getting ready to shower, he has an interview today."
"Damnit. Okay." I sighed. "Thanks Spence."
