Chapter 35: Always.

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"Uhm..oh, yeah..I-I am good." He said cautiously, trying to stop himself from crying.

It was obvious that he didn't want to come across as being weak in front of me. Not wanting to show or express any of his hidden emotions.

"I know something's wrong, josh." My eyes started to water just to see him upset, seeing the people you love cry is like tortue. I felt like I was going through his pain also.

I got up from bed, wanting to go up to josh. To be as close to him as possible, letting him know that I completely support him.

"Please tell me what's wrong?" I begged him, hoping for a response.
"It's-it's Hannah and Beth's birthday today." He said whilst struggling immensely to finish his sentence, feeling too hurt to carry on talking.

That's when it hit me, how did I forget such an important day.

Just the mention of both of their names made me want to burst into tears, but I perceived and got through it somehow. Trying to be strong for josh when he needed me the most.

"O-oh yeah.." I said as my voice started to shake in pain. Josh could clearly see my change in mood as all he had to do was look at me, and I would just start crying.
"I miss them s-so much." He cried in between tears.
"I miss them too." I said as a couple of tears ran down my face.

I have never seen josh cry this much before. It was like he had bottled up his emotions throughout the year and it has come to the point where he couldn't control them anymore.

He immediately fell into my arms, hugging my body tightly, hoping to get reassured and to have some comfort.

Josh's head rested on my shoulder, as I could feel the tears streaming down his face falling onto my shoulder.

"They were amazing people josh, please just remember that. Right now, think about all the good times you had with them that will definitely outweigh the bad, and the hurt." I said quickly, whilst my hands rubbed his back.

I could feel that he had no strength right now, both physically and mentally. His body seemed limp and weak, as if I was providing him with the source he needed to even stand up.

"I couldn't tell them that I loved them both so much, I regret everything.." His arms fell from my body as he grabbed my hands, so he could look me in the eyes.

"It wasn't your fault though babe. Please, don't get upset now." I begged him, knowing that I hated to see him cry, especially in this high amount.

I grabbed his hand and gently pulled him down onto the bed with me.
"Now lie down, and try to calm down. I've got you." I said with nothing but support and comfort, as I laid down next to him.

He rested his head on my chest, and it actually felt good that I was the one taking care of him for once, since josh always helps me when I need him.

"You can close your eyes if you want." I whispered gently, as I moved my hands up to his head, allowing my fingers to softly run through his hair.

Just playing with his hair immediately made his mood change, I could feel him starting to fall asleep.

"I just didn't get to say..to say my final goodbye." He cried, as I felt his hand tighten around my body, needing to hold onto something for support.

"I know that must really upset you but Hannah and Beth wouldn't want to see you upset would they? They would be looking down at you now and laughing, they wouldn't want you crying."

"Can you remember when the four of us went down to the beach house, we stayed there for weeks, not going to school. Me and hannah were terrified of getting caught, but you and Beth persuaded us to stay even though we got two months of detention after school. It was one of the scariest times of my life..probably because I was a goodie two shoes in school." I joked, which made josh laugh.

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