Words (Muke)

Six: Clouds

"We all have bad days , but one thing is true; no cloud is too dark for the sun to shine through,"

~Miranda Kerr

Michael's fascinated by clouds. They're made up of steam and chemicals in the least scientific terms. And yet the force of gravity doesn't apply to them. They don't come crashing to the ground every time they get to high. So why is it that Michael can barely get an inch off the ground without being beat upon.

Liz must have told Luke to stay by Michael at all times because he's trailing after him like a lost puppy. Michael finds it adorable, but Luke's friends are annoyed. They give Michael dirty looks when he passes them in the hall and won't talk to him while they work on the project.

Michael can't find it in him to care, because he's so busy pretending to be okay for Luke. He's been staying at Luke's house for only two days now, but Michael hasn't cut in those two days and he feels like he's going to die because of an overactive brain.

Luke isn't truly making a difference anymore. His rambling helps Michael focus on something other than himself, but he can't shake the feeling of wanting to die. And he's tried so badly because he knows it'll hurt Luke so very badly, but the pain Luke will endure if Michael leaves would be so easily manageable next to the pain Michael has to live with. And it would fade after time right? It would dull and eventually leave?

Michael knows what people say about suicide. That it's the weak man's way of escaping, but if they knew. If they truly knew what it felt like to hate every single part of yourself would they still think like that? Or would they realize that suicide is truly the only option they have? Because Michael's tried everything. At first he didn't want to kill himself, just to die. He knew everyone would be better off if he were dead, but he was selfish and didn't want to kill himself. But now Michael isn't selfish if it will make everything easier for everyone, he'll be glad to do it. But with Luke in his life he almost wants to get hit by a car so that it looks like an accident so Luke can't blame himself for Michael's death.

Honestly, Michael's given up on living. He's just a skeleton waiting for death to pick him up and carry him away, leaving the pain of being human behind.

Michael wants to live up in the clouds. Where nothing can touch him or cause him pain. He wants to feel a cloud, smell it even taste it. Michael wants to live in them.

"Mikey, come on. We have to go to English," Luke said gently pulling the smaller boy out of his seat in the cafeteria. Luke guided him to English and sat down right next to him.

"You didn't eat anything at lunch," Luke stated. "Why?"

Michael shrugged. "Not hungry,"

"You always say that," Luke responds.

Michael angles his head away from Luke and plays with his fingers under the table. The class is slowly filling, but there's no sign of the teacher yet.

"Hemmings," both Luke and Michael make the mistake of looking at Ryan, or in Michael's case angling his head slightly. "Why are you sitting with a fag?"

Michael visibly deflates as Luke stiffens. The few people in the class have their attention fixed solely on the three boys in the middle.

"Look at him, Hemmings. Even he knows he's not worth the time. Am I right, Clifford?" Ryan continued.

Michael nodded reluctantly for two reasons. The first being he knew going along with Ryan diffused the situation. And the second being that he truly did agree with him.

"Shut the f*ck up, Ryan," Luke growled standing up and getting in his face. Luke and Ryan were nearly the same height and Michael didn't want to see who was stronger.