Words (Muke)

Fourteen: Irony

"It's ironic how depressed people understand the value of happiness more than people who claim to be happy,"

~L.P.

"Mike, some of those..." Ashton trailed off not wanting to say it out loud.

"Are words," Michael finished Ashton's sentence. "Ironic isn't it?" he asked knowing what Ashton's answer would be.

Ashton shook his head. "No, Michael, It's not ironic. It's, oh my God. Michael there isn't any words for that,"

Michael smiled a small sad smile. "I know Ash. Believe me when I say that I know,"

And Ashton did believe him and he wasn't sure if that made it worse or not. Calum couldn't say anything. He wasn't sure if there was even a word for the emotions he was feeling. He knew if he asked Michael the boy would list off a bunch, but he couldn't.

Michael tensed when Calum's hand moved towards his arm, but he made no move to pull back so Calum kept going gently taking Michael wrist in his hands as Luke continued comforting Michael simply by being in the room. Calum's fingers traced a few of the cuts and the contrast between his tan skin and Michael's pale, porcelain skin was striking.

"Mikey..."

"I wish. I wish that I didn't like it you know? I wish it wasn't so addicting. And I wish, God I wish that I was worthy enough to not deserve it," Michael rambled when the silence was yet to be broken after Calum's plea of the small, broken boy's name.

"Mike we can get you help-"

"I don't want help Ashton! I don't need help,"

"Then what do you need?" Ashton tried again.

Michael couldn't say it out loud. The only thing he could do, the only possible solution. Was his death. So he lied...again. "I just need you guys to be there for me," he muttered.

Luke's breathing hitched. He knew Michael better than anyone knew a person ever and he knew when Michael was lying. This was one of those times, but only he and Michael knew Michael had lied and only Michael could tell that Luke knew he had lied. So Luke said nothing. It was something they would talk about later.

"I wasn't planning on leaving, Mikey," Calum told the boy with the dyed hair.

Michael smiled briefly at him a small fake smile, but it was enough for Calum, who along with Ashton, couldn't tell if it was real or not.

So they sat with Michael and chatted. They talked about everything and anything and it was like before the car crash. It was like before they knew about Michael's self-harm. Michael knew it wouldn't last, he knew that when he left the hospital after they cleared him from surgery that they would be watching. So Michael needed to start acting real quick.

It was like when he was talking about what happened in his past and what was wrong with him the voice in his head just sat back and watched him suffer. But now that was over, the voice was back in business. Michael tried to drown out the crude comments with the conversation flowing around him, but it was difficult. He was sick after all.

When the doctor finally said that Michael was free to leave Liz showed up simultaneously with some of his clothes and a grin on her face. When the door shut and it was just Michael and Liz in the room she dropped the smile.

"Why am I hearing that you don't want medication, Michael?" she asked fixing him with a stern gaze.

Michael winced, he was hoping the topic wouldn't come up. "I hate them. They make me feel numb you know? Like I'm somebody else. Besides they're expensive,"