In This Life ○ Paul Lahote

Thirteen

I pick out my afro and rearrange the tips of it, smiling at how it fades to blonde. I push out my chair and slip my feet into my shoes before standing up and stretching. I look myself over before leaving my room and hurrying down the stairs. I smile as I look towards Emily who waves me off and I start my way towards La Push High School. I take a deep breath as I look around, enjoying the atmosphere of La Push. I keep walking for about twenty minutes more before I get to the school and make my way to the parking lot. I look around before spotting Paul's truck and I smile as I make my way over but my strides become slower as I see a girl with a bad tan and an even worse blonde color on her hair in clothes that shouldn't be worn. I stop in my spot before walking around to stand in front of her. She hands me a curt smile before crossing her arms over her chest and looking the other way.
"Excuse me, isn't this Paul's truck? Paul Lahote?" I ask and her head jerks over to me.
"Yeah. How do you know my Paul?" She responds and I smile a little.
"Your Paul?" I ask and she nods with a smirk.
"Mhmm though for the past week or two he's been ignoring every girl. Including his favorite." She smirks even wider and I hear the final bell ring as she throws her hair over her shoulder.
"Oh is that right?" I nod and turn so I can smile to myself. The past week or two is how long I've been in La Push.
"Paul!" I hear her shout and I turn around and look to her as she waves wildly at him, bouncing a couple times, though he wasn't paying attention to her. He was looking at me. I smile in amusement and raise an eyebrow at him as my eyes flicker to the girl. His friends all laugh and walk up with him. The girl tries saying hello to them but they don't pay her any mind. Instead, they give me hugs and hellos and jump into the box of his truck.
"How do you know Paul again?" The girl asks me after the shock subsides and her eyes narrow at me. I smile as Paul walks up and slides an arm over my shoulders.
"I'm his girlfriend." I wink at her before taking the keys out from his back pocket.
"I'm driving." I tell him and he kisses me on the forehead before walking around to the other side and I jump into the driver's side. The girl steps aside and watches with angry eyes as I pull out of the parking lot.
"Do any of you need to be back right away?" I ask as I open the window to the box.
"No we have about an hour and a half!" One of them shouts in return and I look to Paul.
"No I have some time." He nods and I nod back and make my way to the beach.
"So I hear she was your favorite. I must really not be your type then." I chuckle a little and I look over to see his face is red and his expression turn into one of embarrassment. He looks kind of ashamed too.
"A-Ah about that I uh..." He clears his throat and I turn back to the road.
"I never thought I'd find... you." He mumbles off and I nod, listening to him.
"Seeing Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Quil and Claire... Hearing their thoughts and feeling their emotions... You want it for yourself but at the same time you resent it." He tells me and I look to him.
"You start to think you're not good enough for something like that. So you just... forget to look." He tells me and I look back at the road as he takes a deep breath.
"Then you find her, and you realize it's not a question of worth, it's just a matter of time." He tells me and I smile a little. "It also makes you regret the stupid decisions you told yourself you'd never regret. And you think of all the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'." He says and I look over to him again to see him staring out of the other window.
"We've all made decisions we regret." I shrug and look back to the road before smirking a little.
"Some pretty big regrets and others you're able to shrug off." I add and I could feel his eyes on the side of my face.
"Do you have any big regrets?" He asks and I take a deep breath and nod as I turn on the road leading to the shore.
"Yeah. Yeah I have a couple." Quite a few actually.
"Tell me one." He says and I look over to him before at the boys in the rearview mirror and then ahead of me again. I'm positive they can hear our conversation. And through their mind link thing I'm sure Paul is going to think about it around them sooner or later. I'm also positive that they need to hear this so they don't hurt themselves as much as I've hurt myself. The only hesitation still standing is which I should share.
I hum before taking a deep breath and parking the truck. No one gets out and I look back to see them all looking to me.
"I went to a party with a couple of my friends." Rick and his friends actually. "I wasn't going to drink, I had to drive us all back to campus, but the water one my friends got me was spiked." I smile a little, recanting the hazy memory. "It was a water bottle so I didn't think anything of it and he opened it in front of me. Looking back on it I realized he opened it for me because he had already opened it. Anyway, he drugged it and it was pretty strong. I don't remember what drug it was but they got me to drink alcohol after that and then put me in the driver's seat. Apparently I tried getting out, even then I knew I shouldn't be driving but they thought it'd be fun to tie my foot to the gas pedal and put a brick on my foot." I was smiling while I retold this half of the story. Now is when I couldn't keep it on my face and it faltered.
"We ended up in a head on collision with a minivan... I killed two kids and put the father in a coma. The mom committed suicide and the father woke up to find out his family is dead. He passed away in his sleep that night." I tell them and I could feel their heavy hearts as mine is every single day. I take a deep breath and unbuckle myself before looking out at the ocean.
"The mom, before she killed herself, she forgave me. I went to the boys' funeral, she didn't press charges on me, said it wasn't my fault. But the guy who did that to me is in jail for life." I add on and look down at my lap.
"I've come to peace with what I've done but I'll never forgive myself, even if it wasn't my fault. That's one of my bigger regrets. I trusted the wrong people, I wasn't careful enough, I wasn't strong enough, wasn't smart enough... And I hope none of you have to regret the decisions you make or are forced to carry out." I tell them before turning to look at Paul and each boy in the bed of his truck.
"You are all a lot stronger than I was, still am. You're more brave and even more courageous. Even if I don't see the whole picture yet, I know that each of you do what you can to help others. That in it of itself is amazing." I tell them and they look down at their feet before I take a deep breath and check the time. I look up at them and smile.
"Come on, we have an hour before we have to get back on the road." I tell them and turn on some music before taking my shoes off and throwing one of them at Jacob's head, getting them to laugh before they tumble out wrestling each other. I smile after them as they strip down to their shorts and have a grand old time on the rocky sand. I look back at Paul and the expression on his face just about tears my heart apart.
"Hey... What's wrong?" I ask and scoot closer to him so I'm under his arm and resting a hand over his heart. I could feel it beating heavily.
"You have more of those?" He asks and I look down in uncomfortable shame before nodding a little and he hugs me close.
"I'm going to protect you okay? From now on, you're not going to have any more regrets. I'll protect you from them. I promise." He says recklessly and I look up at him and run my hand over his cheek before rubbing his face with only my thumb. He looks at me and I plant a kiss on his lips.
"Don't make promises you can't keep Paul." I say lightly before taking a deep breath and pushing away from him.
"Come on, we have an hour." I sigh and go to leave but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back so my back is to his chest. His leg is propped up between the seat and my side and his arms wrap around my torso and he rests his head on my shoulder. I run my fingers through his hair and rest my other hand on his arms. I lean back so I'm staring at the ceiling and resting my head on his shoulder blade.
"Then stay with me for an hour." He mumbles and I smile and close my eyes. Then, his head shoots up and his grip tightens just before there's a bang on the truck that makes me jump. I look outside the truck and my eyes widen and my jaw drops to see the same high school girl that had been waiting for Paul. She has a car parked a little way aways with a couple of her girl friends waiting for her in the car.
"Get out of the car!" She shouts and Pauls grip on me tightens comfortingly. I rest easy in his arms and look out at the obsessive girl.
"I said get out! A girlfriend!? Are you kidding me!? She looks forty!" She screams and I could feel the rumble of a growl start in Paul's chest. I look back at him to see the furious expression on his face and then at the just as livid girl.
"Do you want to talk with her? I can go join the boys on the beach." I offer and Paul looks down at me.
"Shouldn't you be getting mad at me?" He asks and I chuckle and jump out of the truck before pulling Paul with me. I get my shoes from the back and put them on the seat before closing the door and sticking the keys in Paul's back pocket.
"I'll be on the beach, you two talk it out. Just remember the time okay?" I tell Paul and he nods and squeezes my hand. I look to the girl who has a red face and probably feels like a child before turning and walking towards the sand. The next thing I know I'm thrown over a shoulder and I'm being ran towards the water. I scream out a laugh and I hear the other guys laugh as Jacob spins me around and I cling onto him so I don't fly off and die.
"Put me down!" I laugh.
"Apologize!" He shouts back.
"Never!" I deny before pinching his sides. He twitches from being ticklish and almost drops me but Quill saves me and I fall on my own accord from being dizzy and they laugh as Jacob soon follows.
"How do you trust him so much?" Jared asks after I was able to stand. I dust myself off and look to see them screaming at each other.
"Cause he said he'd protect me from regrets." I smile. "Plus, you guys said that because of what you are, the bond isn't breakable. So, what is there not to trust."