Loving Luke | muke [c]

Five

It took me a long time to realise that the actual heartbreak wasn't the worst part of getting my heart broken. Moving on. That was what tore me apart. That was what kept me awake night after night after night. It was the thought of my life going forward, of building something new. It was knowing that, eventually, Luke would be left behind. It was the thought that, at that moment, everything in my life was different. I was no longer a teenager, I had graduated High School and I was ready to start University, I was no longer depending on my parents financially and I no longer had the comfort of living under their roof. I was alone in the world. I was scared and I was lost, and Luke wasn't there anymore. And the thought of Luke's absence not being much of a big deal to me anymore was what scared me most. It was knowing that I could wake up one day and realise that my life with Luke was left behind. That I was a different person and so was he. 

The more time passed and the more I got into the routine of University, the more I focused on my classes and work and paying my share of the rent between my two flatmates and me, the less I worried about that. The more my life played before me, the less I thought about Luke. The less I thought of moving on and the easier it became. Until that one winter night. That night was when I realised that whenever things got better, life would always find a way to make them bad again. To me, at least.

I unlocked the door to my apartment, feeling relief rush through my veins as I was met by the warmth of my own home. I closed the door with my foot, shrugging my jacket off as I sighed. I could hear the sound of the TV playing in the living room, meaning at least one of my roommates were home. Hanging my jacket on the rack by the front door, I kicked off my shoes, leaving them lying around next to the growing pile of shoes carelessly thrown around. My roommates and I weren't exactly the tidiest, but we always found a way to make it work. I was mumbling a song under my breath, something I had heard on the radio on the drive home from work, as I stepped into the kitchen, cringing at all the dirty dishes that piled up on the sink. Ignoring the mess I knew I'd have to clean up eventually, I took a Coke from the fridge, reminding myself I had a paper due the next morning and that I shouldn't allow myself to have a beer. I knew I'd never be able to focus on the paper if I drank beer.

"It's amazing how you always smell like dog shit when you get back from work." Calum spoke as soon as I stepped foot out of the kitchen. He had his legs outstretched on our rather small leather couch, feet dangling off the arm rest as his fingers reached into the bowl of popcorn on his lap. He had his challenging smirk plastered on his lips, knowing he was already pushing my buttons. "Good evening, by the way."

"Maybe that's because I work around dog shit every day?" I scoffed, nudging Calum's legs so that he'd give me enough space to sit at the other end of the couch. He pulled his legs back, letting me take a seat before plopping his legs up on my lap. I didn't bother to protest, I knew it wouldn't work.

"I still don't get how you put up with that." The Kiwi shook his head with a click of his tongue. "I mean, I love dogs, but I would never be able to work around them. Yikes."

"At least I have a job." I smirked, glancing at Calum as he glared back at me, flinging a popcorn in my direction as I let out a laugh. It surprised me how close Calum and I had become throughout the years. I couldn't pinpoint the moment Calum had stopped being 'Luke's friend' and became my friend, but I was so glad that had happened. Calum and I had more in common than I ever even imagined. "I still can't understand why Ashton asked you to move in in the first place."

"Because I'm his soulmate." Calum shrugged with a snort. I didn't think he understood just how much that pained me to hear. 

It hurt just as much now as it did when I saw Calum and Ashton lay eyes on each other for the first time. It was like watching Luke leave all over again. Ashton, who had been my first flatmate and to whom I had grown overly attached to, saw Calum for the first time and it was like he was instantly a different person. His laugh was an octave higher, his smile was permanently on his thin lips and simply the mention of Calum's name made him look up in awe. It was like watching Luke and Ale all over again but from a different perspective. This time, I was watching it from a best friend perspective instead of a 'I-am-hopelessly-in-love-with-you-and-you-have-no-idea' perspective. This time, I knew what Calum meant when he said Luke was being annoying. Because Ashton was being annoying too. The only thing in common about both times was that I still had the perspective of someone who was born without a soulmate. And that still sucked.