A Dark Fall [ORIGINAL & UNEDITED VERSION]

Twenty Nine

Since I left Rob earlier all I've done is word and re-word what I'm going to say to him. What I need to say and what I should say.  I love him. Everything else should be easy.

Him having a son isn't an issue. All it does is add another layer to him.  He's a father - and from what I've gleaned a fiercely protective one. I can be with a guy who has a child. It's different and unexpected but it's not an insurmountable issue.   The issue has always been him keeping things from me - himself mainly.  It's his not trusting me.

Of course Rob is right; trust is given and earned over time, but given how we met, how I helped him without uttering a word to anyone, maybe I feel like he should have given me some credit in the trust department.   Just how deep does his mistrust of people go exactly?   

But if we're going to do this, be together, then I need to be able to ask him questions and get proper answers back. If he wants this to work then he needs to be prepared to open up to me at some point. Not straight away and not about every aspect of his life but I need to know the important things.

After dinner I pour myself a glass of wine to steady my nerves, and then a second because, well, two glasses are better than one.

As I call up his name in my phone my heart feels like it might explode out of my chest. I stare at it for almost five whole minutes until the light goes out on the screen.  It occurs to me that I haven't actually prepared myself for what I'll do if he says I've left it too late and it's over. 

I guess that's where the wine will come in handy.

As I hit dial on his name I think I stop breathing entirely until on the second ring he answers. 

"Hi," he says quietly.  His voice is steady but he sounds surprised I think.

My breathing starts up again and my heart staggers slightly at the sound of his deep familiar voice which still has the power to make goose bumps break out across my skin.  From that one word, they spread from the back of my neck and down my spine before rolling out across my bare arms.   God I've missed the sound of his voice.  I mean of course I had but hearing it only serves to compound it further.  It's warm and soft and it seeps into my cold lonely bones.

"Hi." I whisper.  There are a few moments of heavy silence before I hear him let out a deep breath.  

"Been hoping all week that you were going to phone." He says, his voice sounding uncertain and very un-Jake like. 

"You could have called me." I blurt.   What?   Why did I just say that?  It wasn't on the list of things to make sure I said to him.  It never appeared in any of my walkthroughs.  The wine is making me take risks.

"I almost did.  About a hundred fucking times," He sighs. "I just didn't want you to hang up on me."

I wonder what I'd have done if he'd called.  I wouldn't have hung up on him, that much I do know.  It's probably better he never called.

"I think we should talk, don't you?" I say tentatively.

"When?"

The speediness of his reply takes me by surprise. "Em," Also, I hadn't really thought this part through either.  Why not?  Of course if he wanted to talk then he was going to ask when.  "Well what are you doing now?" I look up at the clock on my wall.  Its 8:10pm.  "You'll be going to the club later I assume?"

"I don't have to.  I can come and see you.  If that's what you want?"  It's a question and my heart flips over again.  Of course it's what I want.  It's all I've wanted all week.  He could be here, soon.  I could be holding him and kissing him.  I take another sip of wine to cool down my mouth.  We need to talk, not kiss.