A Dark Fall [ORIGINAL & UNEDITED VERSION]

Thirty Two

When he texted to say he had dropped Caleb off and was on his way over I replied saying only that the door was open.   That was an hour ago.  I'm terrified.  Not of him.  I've never been afraid of him and I'm still not afraid of him.  The only thing I'm afraid of is that bloody envelope.

My hands hadn't stopped shaking the entire time I prepared dinner.   They shook as I chopped tomatoes and peeled onions and they shook as I layered the oven dish.   My mind went eerily calm as I prepared dinner and somehow I managed to forget everything else as I focussed sole on that one mundane task. I have no idea why I'm still making dinner since I'm certain I wont be able to eat anything ever again.    I supposed my mind just needed something to focus on other than the envelope and the possibility that Jake is a lying violent psychopath.  

The lasagne actually looks really good.  But then, I've always have been an impressive multi-tasker. I'm at the sink when I feel him appear behind me, his warm strong arms sliding around me as his mouth nuzzles deep into my neck.   I literally jump out of my skin which causes him to step back and throw his hands up.

"Shit, sorry baby.  I thought you heard me come in," he smiles apologetically.  "I rang the bell first.  Didn't mean to scare you."

My heart constricts tightly as I take in the full sight of him.  He looks exactly the same as he did this morning, except now his cheeks and nose are slightly red from the sun.  He's smiling at me the same way he did this morning, with his eyes soft and warm and full of love.    He's still so beautiful and I'm still completely in love with him and my delusions know no bounds if I thought I'd feel any different seeing him now. 
He steps back into my body and pulls me into his arms and kisses me deeply, moaning softly as his tongue finds my own. My body responds like always and I'm unable to do anything but welcome his mouth on my own. Though it takes some effort to keep my arms by my sides and not wrap them around him.

"Mmmmm I missed you today." he murmurs before pulling back to smile at me.   I want to return his smile but the tears are threatening to appear at any moment so I turn my back on him and face the sink again. 

"How was the zoo?" I ask in a strange flat tone. How was the zoo?  Has there ever been a more banal question asked at such a moment?

"Busy, overpriced.  But he loved it.  Think penguins are his new favourite thing now.    He wants to go back next week." He says.  

With my back still turned I nod, reaching my hands under the water to rinse them before squirting them with some more hand soap and repeating the process. 

"Everything ok?" he asks.    I swallow and bite down hard on my lip to stop the tears rolling down my face.  "Alex?"  Christ I need to hold it together here.  We can't have a conversation if I'm a blubbering incoherent mess.  Suddenly I feel his hands on my arms and he spins me round to face him.  "What's the matter? What's going on?" his voice has an edge to it as his eyes narrow with worry.   Oh Jake, you should be worried.

I want to answer him but I literally have no clue how to start this conversation.  'Tell me about the time you were in prison' isn't appropriate, and 'Did you beat and rape the woman who stabbed you?' aren't words I will ever be able to say out loud.

"Alex, answer me.  What's wrong?" his voice is louder now and it snaps something into me. 

Drying my hands on the dishtowel first, I walk slowly over to the dining table and lift the envelope before walking back to him with it.   When I hold it out to him he looks down at it with the some confusion before taking it from me.   Then, keeping his eyes on mine he opens and pulls out its contents.    For the first time I see that the file isn't overly large, there are maybe 10 or so bits of paper, with some of a different shinier material I can see are photos.     My stomach turns as I consider what those photos might be of since I can't see them from here.