One Life (Phan)

7 (Dan)

Do I miss him?

Yes.

Do I love him?

I loved him.

But now?

I slowly open my eyes, my back sore and my legs crumpled underneath me. I'm glad I'd grabbed a hood and a hat, when I pulled them over my head I was surely unrecognizable. It covered my brown hair and left half of my face covered.

I still love him.

I push my thoughts out of my head, hoping they'll stay out. Though, I know, they're just tucked back, waiting for the right time to pounce on my consciousness and feed on my grief.

Didn't I mention that in IT? That I loved him? Have I ever told him I loved him?

Doubt twirls in my stomach. When we kissed for the first time, the only time, did I tell him I loved him? Have I ever?

Did IT say I loved him?

That doesn't matter. You're putting him behind you. You're putting your crap life behind you. It all doesn't matter.

I get up from the bench and stretch, my neck and back muscles pulled taut. I pull at my jacket sleeve, making sure my Visa and Oyster card is in my pocket.

I look for some kind of tourist map, and I find one right next to the bus stop. The sky is just turning blue, a little spark of it tinting the east. To the west, the sky is still navy with night.

I open up the map and I am bewildered immediately. Lines cross each other, and street names are seemingly sprinkled in random places. I can't make out where I am, let alone try to find where I want to go.

I sigh, my stomach twisting in pain. I haven't eaten anything since the night before I left, two nights ago.

But it isn't just hunger that has added its share of pain in my gut; guilt, fear, and broken love added to the mess.

I sigh in frustration and crumple the map in my hands. A sharp pain jabs in between my middle and index finger, and I pull back sharply, dropping the map. A droplet of blood sweats to the top of the cut. Angry tears come to my eyes.

I swallow hard, clenching my left fist in pain. My right hand is sore already, but I push the pain down. I have more things to worry about.

I grab the map and smooth it out against the board is came off of. I start to figure where I am, and where I'm going.

The bus stop is marked already, a red circle and text saying:

YOU ARE HERE

I sit back down on the bench, careful not to touch my hand against anything. I take a good look at the compass, and look at the rising sun. I have no time to appreciate the beauty of it, though I begin to imagine it, the pinks and golds and oranges perfectly fading into each other, in a wild, colourful scheme. Then it would settle into the cornflower blue.

"Hey."

I jump nearly a mile. A girl is next to me, staring straight forward. I look around, wondering if it was her that talked. She seems like her mind is on something else entirely.

"Where are you headed?"

I know it's her now; she turned her head, her piercing green eyes seeming to stare right through me. It makes me feel naked; embarrassed, exposed.

"Erm..." I move to the right, and little away from her. I take in her entire body; she had soft, olive skin and dark hair. Her hair seems out of place, like she's spent days without brushing it. She wears simple skinny jeans, dirty converse, and a ratty tank top. She has a jumper tied around her waist, and an old bag slung around her shoulder.