a/n: so i'd loooooove to continue this, but as i have 205 followers and am no breaker of promises, here is a sort of filler chapter.
Deep breaths Phil.
Deeeeep breaths.
I force a smile in the mirror and feel my chest fill with lead. I swallow and watch the smile falter. I sigh and close my eyes, turning around blindly and swiftly walk out of the room.
I wasn't sure what I expected to happen, walking around the house with my eyes closed. I end up sprawled on the floor, after smacking into the corner where two walls meet and falling down the three or four steps to the bathroom.
I feel a shot embarrassment through my system. Dan's high-pitched laughter could be heard from the other room. "You clumsy oaf," he says, giggling even as he reaches down to pull me up. "What were you doing walking around the house like that?"
"I dunno," I answer, my face hot. "I missed you."
He looks confused. "Whaddaya mean?" Then I blink hard and he's gone.
I look down. I don't remember getting up. I thought I was imagining talking to Dan. Was that real? Or am I finally going insane?
I stood for another few seconds before entering the bathroom and pulling open the drug cabinet. The orange prescription bottle is full of large white pills. They taste awful unless you swallow them quickly. I shake some into my hand and tilt my head back, dropping them into the back of my throat before leaning under the faucet to wash them down.
The bathroom closes with a gentle click behind me. I don't want to go anywhere but it's Chris's birthday. I close my eyes and grit my teeth. Why today? Why after all that's happened.
a/n: lets pretend its october now (month of chris's bday in case youre a fake fan) okay i'll look back and see if this contradicts but if it does shhhh i'll figure it out lovelies
Luckily I had enough sense to shower the night before because it would take almost everything I could muster to get myself in the bathroom again. Instead, I go into the kitchen and pull open an almost-empty cabinet.
I need to get groceries but I don't know how much money I have left on my account. And without much money, I--
I stop mid-thought, my hand gripping the cereal box. I haven't made a video in a week. It wouldn't be that big of a deal but I haven't been on Twitter or Tumblr either. I've disappeared from the entire internet, leaving my fanbase to let it's imagination run wild.
I'm suddenly afraid. It's another part of my life that's falling apart.
I've never needed Dan more.
YOU ARE READING
One Life (Phan)
Fanfiction***READ FIRST*** Trigger Warnings: Self harm thoughts/themes. Suicide thoughts/themes. Depression and anxiety. You have been warned. /"Dan..."/ /I look back at him, averting my gaze from my laptop. We're at Phil's house, sitting in his room. I am on...
