life is ok - a Life is Strange parody

7 Lisathron FINAL

Entry 7 Lisathron FINAL

That was it. No longer would Lisa suffer without water. She has had enough of this torture, and now it was time for revenge. Using her telepathic powers, she made sure Warren would pay as less attention as possible to Brooke, making her unbelievably jealous. She made Rachel disappear, just for Chloe to wish for me to come back. She even made me reject Victoria, completely different from my behaviour before this week. And it has all went unnoticed...at first. But only one thing connected all of her demeanours.

Now it was their turn to be thirsty.

None of Victoria's photos got enough likes. The photograph-fanatics got over their Mark Jefferson obsession. There was no gossip anymore for Stella. Alyssa faded away, also ignored by Warren. I started paying less attention to the boys, defeating Nathan, Warren, and all the skater boys I liked before hand, yet I also ignored the girls, Victoria, Chloe, Kate. Lisa's powers were inevitable.

But I knew, my time rewind powers must have been given to me specifically for this reason. This realisation has hit me the second I arrived on campus, warned by Kate. Evan was wailing, he has been deprived of all his talent in photography and lost his status as the most hipster hipster in Blackwell to Lisa. They have all lost to Lisa.

There she was, in her huge hipster glasses. She was bigger and stronger than ever, since she had sucked all of the water from the sea of Arcadia Bay. She held the last ever Starbucks coffee in her....branch.... And took the last ever selfie on her rosegold iphone 600030272 with an extra flat screen and a Swiss Army knife that transformed into a Polaroid camera and had an extra holder for her Starbucks coffees. Indie hipster music blasted throughout the school. I thought it was over...but I was wrong.

I knew it, we had to unite our hipster school powers and we could forever defeat the devious plant. I looked to my right hand side.

Chloe Price. Hipster girl dot com. Blue hair don't care. Part time Disney drug lord princess. I looked to my left.

Victoria Chase. Ayaka from Misao all over again. She was born to do this. I looked behind me.

Already there, ready to back me up, Warren Graham. Getting all the hoes in Blackwell since he arrived. His team of Brooke, Alyssa and Stella were all wielding their Polaroid cameras. I looked in front of me.

Kate Marsh, feat. JC and the boys. She's got the power of God on her side. The last water in Arcadia Bay, holy water, she had it. She will defeat the thirsty heathens. I looked at the sidelines.

Dana and Juliet cheered. They had already made up the dance and song for team Max. Frank, Chloe's drug dealer who was really a cinnamon roll who loves dogs, was even there, looking pissy. Pompidou stood tall by his side. Lisa had no chance now.

Far, far away...stood my sensei, Mark Jefferson. He nodded knowingly at me, predicting my plan. All he has taught me in his class was preparing me for this moment, the hipster battle. (I see y'all already writing "ew jeffershit ew omg" in the comments now Kate won't save you from the thirst)

In the middle of the school campus, she stood ominously. Lisathron 5000...only for $66.66 if you call now--shit, wrong story.

In the middle of the school campus, she stood ominously. Lisa the plant. Bring on the mosh pit, shaka brah. I pulled out my weapon, my trustworthy Polaroid camera. Lisa threw away her coffee cup, pulling out her own camera. I dived forward, earning more cheers from the crowd of Blackwell students, snapping picture after picture of Lisa the plant. She cowered in fear. This was my chance. I knocked the iPhone out of her other...leaf? And quickly went onto the YouTube app. She let out a gasp as I scrolled through thE RECOMMENDATION SECTION. My finger loomed over the 'pop' playlist full of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and all those singers constantly on the radio.

"No...it will destroy me...it's too...it's too mainstream!" The scared plant screamed. I clicked it without regrets.

Everybody stood in silence, anticipating.

Shit, an ad.

"Anytime now..." I mumbled, waiting for thirty seconds to pass. "Anytime..." Only twenty more to go...

"Hello..." The sound didn't come from the phone, I clicked on a pop up ad by accident, making some porn video start playing. "It's me," Rachel Amber, the missing girl, descended from the skies with a heavenly light surrounding her. Chloe pulled out her pocket guitar she had been carrying around to start her band.

"Hella...frOM THE OTHER SIDE," she sang alongside her fallen friend.

"I MUST'VE CALLED A THOUSAND TIMES," Warren joined in.

"TO SAY THAT IM SORRY," Victoria piped in.

"FOR BREAKING YOUR HEART," Nathan gave Lisa the final blow. It was enough. It was too mainstream for her. The plant exploded, becoming nothing but the water she had stolen from the sea of Arcadia Bay.

Lisa was no more. 

My pansexuality was returned to me. Warren went back to talking to Brooke and Alyssa. Stella could now ask Rachel straight up if she has slept with Mark Jefferson. Victoria's Instagram was replenished with likes. Evan is still a cocky douchebag. Jefferson's photos went back to being a big hit, making Blackwell the most popular private school for seniors ever.

The en-hahaha hold up, what? Only seven chapters and we're through? Fuck no, sit your pretty ass back down, we're only starting. Actually, we just finished, butt fuck it. Now this is where the fun part starts. Everything you missed out on in the actual game, going ape with Warren, tea party with Kate, vortex party with Victoria, after class with Jefferson, even something with Nathan???? you bet your butt it's gonna happen--only as a parody. Now wasn't that a better ending than what we actually got? Obviously.

Next entry...featuring Warren and ape movies.