Jily

Chapter 9

Severus' POV

I don't know why she was so... torturous. We were complete opposites yet I could not help but love her tremendously. I was a slytherin and she was a gryffindor. Aren't we supposed to be sworn enemies?

Honestly, I don't understand anymore. I keep telling myself, she is a filthy mudblood who does not deserve you, as if it were a mantra. In a realistic sense, it was.

I keep telling myself that it is time to move on, but I can't seem to force myself to move toward the light, the light pulling me back toward sanity. I was in love with a beautiful, intelligent, kind woman who did not love me back. And that made it hurt even more.

I can't pretned to not notice the way she looks at him now. My insufferable nemesis has relentlessly badgered her for years, trying to convince her of his love. I, on the other hand, have take a different route that I now see to have been a mistake.

I have never told Lily my true feelings for her. She has no idea the extent of my love for her. Now, I don't think she ever will.

The victory of her and James only adds to the nightmare that my life is becoming, a spiral of misery and regret. No doubt they are going to share hugs and laughter over their prize, probably bond over it...

The image of her smiling is etched into my brain, even though it makes me sick to think about. It's not the thought of her being happy that makes me sick. It is imagining that worthless scumbag, Potter, being the one that gets to make her smile. And the part that really hurts, is thinking about how she would rather laugh with that good for nothing dirtball than even spend five minutes with me.

I know that I need to let her go, I know that. I have tried and still am trying to work through this. I will deny my feeling to everybody and will try to convince myself that the feelings i have for Lily are nonexistent. We can never be together. We are polar opposites, north and south, hot and cold, summer and winter. Neither of us will ever be accepted by the world as together, not really, not happily. But even as I know all of this, I continually have this one thing wandering in the back of my mind.

I am hopelessly in love with Lily Evans.