Jily

Chapter 27

Peter's POV

My first mission. Merlin, it was terrifying but also horribly exciting, thrilling. In the pit of my stomach I knew just how wrong all of this was, how awful of a friend I was for betraying everybody like this, how awful of a person I had become. But, I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too inspired by my missions, my new purpose, to stop and really think about what I was doing, or maybe I just did not want to stop and think, because I knew that if I stopped, paused, faltered for just a moment, then everything would crash and burn and crumble, tangling into a myriad of confusion and regret, a mess that is accompanied with an impossible return. It felt so much easier to just not think for awhile. Just do it, let it happen, follow orders. So, that's what I did. I followed orders.

I knew that I had slowly been gaining The Dark Lord's trust. It felt fantastic to be listened to for once, and he would listen to me as long as I leaked information. I say something, he would say something, even if whatever we said did not compare in verity, it all just felt so good.

The marauders still had not discovered my secret, and it was almost disappointing. I was one of their best friends, I was in their inner circle. Why didn't they notice that I had betrayed them, cheated them, why had they not known that I had switched sides? Aren't best friends supposed to be able to figure these things out? Then, why are these still my private secrets?

But, Merlin, that mission. I can't get it out of my head. All my life, it has been "Peter, be quiet. Peter, stand in the back. Peter, you don't matter." But suddenly I feel as if I really do matter and I feel like I'm soaring through the sky's most milky cotton, on my own but not alone. I feel trusted and respected, and it's all so new and I know now that there is no going back. This is who I am now. Honestly, I don't know why I would ever want to turn back. This deal that I have with the Dark Lord? I just know that it is going to be my legacy. It does not matter that I'm still in school, I'm still important. And that is all that really matters.

James's POV

I can't help but notice that Peter has been acting incredibly strangely lately. He always seems like his mind is strolling around in some distant land, out of his body and on an entirely different continent. Every time I try to talk to him, he just smiles a sly, fake smile and excuses himself, excessively insisting that he is completely fine, something that is making me even more concerned about my friend's wellbeing.

Meanwhile, my life seems to be incredibly busy and empty at the same time. Lily fills it up with joy and happiness, just like the rest of the Marauders do for me. But the threat of the last day of school is coming upon us fast like a train racing down the tracks towards a person stuck on the rails.

It's not that I don't like Summer. I love summer. It's just that during the Summer, my life always feels so bare. I feel like I'm an empty jar and my fillings were all left at school. The entire Summer I always long and wish for school to start up again. Every summer is like that, so imagine how bad this Summer is going to be without my parents. Hell.

The only thing I can hope for is that Lily will visit while I stay with Marlene's family. Merlin, if there was just a mere five minutes of the Summer is had allotted to spend with Lily, that would make the holy thing worth so much more. It seems that Lily is that thing in my life that I need in order to breathe and to live. She is the one that fills my empty vessel with my guts and I area and organs, with my feelings and thoughts. She is the tiny parasite rooting around through my brain controlling my thoughts and actions and moves. The only difference? She is a lot prettier and a lot nicer than a parasite.