Asylum

Chapter 19

Johnson

I woke up, feeling groggy. The only situation I can remember was Jack saving me. I cannot believe that he saved me even when I turn my back on him. When I said loved him, I meant it and still did even when I was mad. Only I do not even know if he feels the same way as I do.

I was about to sit up when I felt the room start to spin. I was about to fall, but two strong hands caught me. I shook my head and look up to see Jack smiling down at me. That beautiful smile is like the sun, it's rays parts my depressing clouds. He never stopped caring about me. Then I realized who he was.

"Jack," I said obtaining his attention.

"Yes, lovely," he said sweetly.

"Were you not the boy I saved from those bullies so many years ago," I said remembering the dream I had,"You are probably not him, or you do not remember."

"That is actually the reason I came all this way to find you," he said putting on the bed,"I wanted to thank you and to apologize for running away."

He was him, the boy that I fantasize about ever since that day. How much he changed, he is not so scared like he use to be. I wish that I only knew how he really felt about me. Since he repeated his debt, what now? Will he leave me now, or will he stay with this insane mind?

"Now rest, I will keep watch if any guards come in," he said ruffling my hair.

"B-But-" I said before he cut me off.

"No ifs ands or buts about it," he stated,"You are weak, you need to rest."

"Fine, but if you need me, then just shake me," I said snuggling up in the pillow.

He nodded and left the room, so I could sleep, even though I want him in here with me. I wish that I can call him in here, but he has a more important job than taking care of me. I mean I am just a boy that tags along. I thought everything was going to be alright and we could run off to Neverland together, but when I saw what the world has become since I left, I actually want to go back into asylum because at least you would live from Sister Catherine's wrath.

I thought about how useless I was to him because I do not have a gun or anything to protect or him. Whatever happened to the sun, the grass, happiness, it is all gone. It is the mere ashes of an old world. A cloud that dwells over us every second of every day. One day in the outside world and I am already told to hide from everyone on the outside world.

I felt tears running down my eyes and I started to shake. My weak body overflowing with horrible thoughts. I need him, but he needs to keep watch. Only I need him to sing me to sleep, but he needs to protect us. I felt the room was spinning again, I felt myself starting to sweat, but also shivering. I just felt overwhelmed with sadness.

Suddenly, Jack came in the room again, seeing me in my most venerable state. He runs to me and asks if I was alright, but since I was so weak, I could not answer. He was so nervous that he could not stop rambling about who knows what. His voice sounds so far away now.

"Jack, please stay awake," he cried out,"Please do not leave me."

"J-Jack," I said trying to keep my eyes open,"P-Please h-hold me."

With no hesitation, he pulled me in, cradling me into his arms. He looked down and slowly starts petting my hair. My heartbeat start going back to normal. He starts humming a song in my ear. Even though it is only a hum, his voice is very angelic. Yes, I indeed heard him sing before when he did not notice.

He saw that I was calm and was about to leave again. Only I cling onto his shirt for dear life, not wanting him to leave my side. He tried to stand up again, but I pushed him back down. He look down on me confused. Why does he want to leave so badly?

"Please stay," I said quietly.

"I have to keep my guard up just in case a guard comes back," he said sounding annoyed.

"It is almost like you want to distant yourself from me," I said standing up slowly.

"Jack, please rest," he pleaded.

"Something has changed in you... towards me," I said feeling more tears welling up inside of me,"I do not know what I have done, but I will leave if that is what you want, is that what you want?"

He was silent which scared me. I slowly stated walking out of the room, feeling tears fall down my face again. I need him, but he does not need me anymore. I wish that he did, but I guess I really am useless. A useless piece of trash that he threw out. I look back and he was still in shock.

"Goodbye Jack," I said sadden by this and kept walking.

Suddenly I felt someone pin me to the wall. I open my eyes and it was Jack, with fear in his eyes. What is he going to do? Is he finally going to stay who he feels or is he going to close himself off again? He did not say a word just stare intensely into my eyes. Then he spoke.

"Please do not leave me in this hellhole, you are the closest thing to heaven I will ever have," he said looking down at the floor,"I want to say it, but the coward is keeping those words blocked."

What is he going to say to me? Is he finally going to say what he feels or am I going to leave for good?